Healing Strategies

My surgery is set for August 11, so I have two weeks now to prepare. During the last week I have explored many options to help me through surgery and recovery. I feel incredibly lucky to have friends and colleagues who have given me a wealth of ideas.

One resource landed right in my lap: my friend Lisa brought me a CD produced by Kaiser Permanente called Preparing for Successful Surgery. The CD, created by Belleruth Naparstek, has led to reduced anxiety, more successful surgery, and less pain after surgery even after listening once (read a study done on the CD here). It includes three parts: guided imagery to prepare for surgery, a series of affirmations, and guided imagery for healing. I've listened to the CD twice already and I can attest that it dramatically reduces anxiety and has helped me manage my pain. I am considering asking to listen to the CD during surgery, something Bellaruth suggests on the CD.

Another practice I'm utilizing is healing through dreams. This happens in several ways and I've experienced a couple of them. The night after finding out I had to have surgery, I dreamed that my one-year-old nephew (who turned one the day I found out about the surgery) was healing me with his hands. It was a powerful and uplifting dream.

That same night, an amazing elephant came to me in a dream. The elephant petted my head and face and I awoke with an incredible sense of calm and love.

A few nights later, I dreamed of a beautiful macaw perched on my right arm, and a cockatoo perched on my left arm. The two flew off, swooping down over the canopy of an immense rainforest and crossing paths before disappearing into the greenery. When I awoke I consulted Ted Andrew's Animal Speak and learned that macaws are a symbol of healing for some South American groups.

So now I have two new healing allies: the elephant and the macaw. I can return to these dreams at any time to gain further healing or work with the energies of elephant and macaw. I can also call on owl, hawk, and bear, my main dream allies to help with healing. I am a novice at dream healing, though, and I would like to learn more about this technique.

The third piece of my healing practice involves buying a plush uterus and ovaries from the fabulous I Heart Guts. It is a humorous move that will inject fun into my healing, and it also holds meaning for me. I know if I can hug an adorable representation of my female parts it will help me send those parts love and healing.

Another strategy for me is performing a ritual to honor the cyst and its message. In this ritual I will thank the cyst for bringing wisdom and send it energy for successful removal. I look at the surgery as a kind of birth; the cyst representatives my creative energy and the trauma I've stored within me for years. When the cyst is removed, my creativity will be unleashed in a new way, and, on one level, the trauma will be released.

I also plan to have a reading and healing done at Intuitive Way the weekend before my surgery. The readers will look at my energy and also the mock-up (or intention) I have for how the surgery will go. I hope I'll be in a really good place by then as a result of listening to the guided imagery CD. After the reading, I'll get a healing on my aura, chakras, and sexual organs. With that under my belt, I should be ready to go!

With all of these strategies available to me, I feel more secure about my ability to handle and recover quickly from this surgery. If you have any additional thoughts or suggestions, please let me know.

Why It's Important to Listen to Your Body and Your Dreams

My body and my dreams are infinitely wise. They patiently send me signals that I mostly ignore, but sometimes, on my better days, I listen. Now I plan on making it a regular practice to humbly and respectfully listen to what they have to say.

I've had intense dreams, many of them including disintegration, dismemberment, bloody animals, knives, and things lurking in the shadows, since January. It was apparent these dreams were telling me something, but I wasn't sure what. And I never wanted to entertain the idea that they were about my health.

I've also had a twinge in the left side of my pelvis for probably two years. At first it was tiny and I dubbed it my intuitive twinge...many times when something was not quite right, this area would twinge and I'd thank it for its message, a message that usually saved me headache.

However, for about the last six months, that twinge morphed into pain. The pain became debilitating during my period, something that only a few people knew about, and only my husband had witnessed until last weekend. A friend came over on Sunday and saw me in my pitiful condition. I was weak, barely able to stand up to walk her to the door. When I saw her reaction to my state, I knew it was time to go to the doctor.

I'd recently been given the name of a gynecologist by another friend and on Monday, I made the call. They got me in yesterday.

I have to back up a moment and tell you that I've been avoiding gynecologists for years because of trauma suffered during previous gynecologist visits. I had a male gynecologist make derogatory comments about my body when I was a teenager and a female gynecologist do a rectal exam without telling me first. A third gynecologist failed to help me with recurring yeast infections. I gave up on Western doctors at that point. So, although this twinge became more and more persistent, I ignored it, hoping it would go away so I didn't have to deal with the gynecologist. Also, I didn't want to deal with bad news.

Back to yesterday. I visited the capable and friendly doctor. I explained my symptoms. She gave me a pelvic exam and then brought out the ultrasound machine. And that's when she found a 6" cyst attached to my left ovary.

I began to cry. I cried because I was scared, overwhelmed, upset, and I felt guilty for not coming in sooner. She told me I need surgery. It is a complex cyst, both fluid and solid, and although she thinks there is a tiny chance it is cancerous, she has to make sure. It has to come out or it will continue to grow and cause me more pain.

When I left the office, I called Lance in tears. I've moved past the guilt and the intense fear, and I've come to a better place thanks to many phone calls and conversations with friends. I know that I'm going to be okay. It's laparoscopic surgery so it's minor, outpatient, and minimally invasive. The recovery typically only takes a week. And after that, my greatest wish is that my periods will no longer cause me debilitating pain.

As part of my process, I've thought about this growth on a symbolic level. I believe, because it is a complex cyst made of fluid and solid mass, that it holds two things: my creative/feminine self and the trauma I've accumulated over the years. The fluid is the creativity, the solid mass the trauma. Once it is removed, I will have truly given birth to my beautiful creative feminine side and I will have removed the trauma holding me back.

I know it is important is to work with this on an energetic level as well. I plan on exploring therapy, dreamwork, psychic healing, and visualization techniques during the three weeks until I go to surgery. And I'm also going to hold a ritual for the energy of the cyst to honor the wisdom it is bringing me. Everything happens for a reason, and my body created this to send me a message. I plan to deeply explore what that is so I can learn from it and move on.

It's going to be quite a rebirth. And, like any rebirth, it is scary, dark, and risky. But once I come out the other side, I will have new gifts and wisdom to share.

Post-Conference Reflections

Experiment with Lensbaby...see more at my Flickr

I've been back for nearly two weeks, and I am in awe of how the dream conference shifted my consciousness. I had an inkling before I left that something major would happen in Chicago, but I tried not to think about it while I was there lest I find significance in irrelevant things like how the waiter folded my napkin on the third night. I believe looking for synchronicity is a fine art, one that takes discrimination (although, I suppose one could argue there is significance in everything!).

The more I think about what message the conference brought to me, the more I see two clear themes emerge: I need to make my health my priority, and I need to stop hiding myself and my talents.

About my health: I had one of the most challenging weekends I've had in a long time this past weekend, experiencing pain that had me in bed for two days. I have avoided Western doctors for four years and yesterday, on the recommendation of a friend, I finally sat down and made the call. I have an appointment tomorrow. I'm a bit scared and I am trying not to let my past experiences color what I have in store for me. My hope is that I will get questions answered and that there is help for me that doesn't just include taking medications or getting surgery. I want to get to the core of the problem and take measures to truly heal it and prevent it from returning.

Making that phone call felt monumental. It tells me I am finally ready to take care of myself, that I am finally ready to listen to the signals my body and my dreams send me regularly. I tend to punish my body and I've started to wonder where I think that will get me. It deserves my respect and attention.

About sharing my talents: This is a recurring theme for me. I tend to make myself small, something I learned growing up. But all the messages in the last two weeks have been to ignore that urge and to instead be BIG. To bravely put myself and my talents out there. And to stop apologizing for who I am, hiding who I am, and feeling I am not good enough. I am good enough. People do want to hear what I have to say, and they want to see what I create.

As a result of this revelation, I am even more firm about my conviction to send some of my children's manuscripts back out to publishers. In a month I'll receive the brand new edition of the Children's Writers and Illustrator's Market and right now I'm polishing three manuscripts so they'll be ready to send when the Market arrives in the mail. Look how far I've come. Four years ago, I dissolved my contracts with my old publisher and I began a downward spiral, believing my career as an author was caput. This rebirth feels scary and painful and absolutely wonderful.

Dream Conference Memories: Day Five

I woke up feeling confident. Sure, the nerves were there, but after four days of being around some of the nicest people one could ever meet, I had a feeling the audience for my speech would be supportive.

Although I'd considered having my morning free, I decided instead to attend Michelle Mangini's art workshop. I am delighted that I did. When I arrived, Michelle was just setting up, and we shared our presenting jitters with one another. It felt great to have an ally. After speaking briefly about her connection to art and the Earth, and reminding us that the Earth dreams through us, Michelle set us loose. She'd brought a wealth of art supplies, including rocks and sticks and other natural materials from her home.

I loved what Michelle said: "It's about creating myself more than the final product." It was a new spin on the old idea that it's about the journey, not the destination. With that in mind, I set out to create to calm and center myself rather than focusing on what the final piece would become.

It turns out, what I created had a lot of meaning for me. I titled it "Puma Thistle," and you can see it above. I'd had a dream the night before in which a fox, mountain lion, and two wolves visited me. I knew when I awoke that the animals came to me to give me strength for the day ahead. When I shared the dream with Michelle, she revealed that she often dreamed of being a puma. I knew I would find a way to honor our dreams, and the mountain lion, when Michelle told me that.

I took my creation with me to my presentation and had it sitting with me, along with a special quartz stone from Jordan and a beach rock from Michelle's neighborhood. These gave me strength from the puma and the Earth, and I have to say, my talk went really well. I spoke about my experiences with animal visitations in dreams and waking life. Along with the puma, I could feel the energy of owl, hawk, and cat with me as well.

My fellow presenter, Bob Van de Castle, of all people, said I was "cool as a cucumber" and he appreciated how I set the tone for the end of the panel. The audience appeared quite interested in what I had to say, which felt great. And at the end, Marcia Emery, whose workshop I had attended the first day, stood up and said she was struck by how these dreams had signaled an awakening of my intuition. I had never thought of that before, and I was grateful to her for pointing it out.
At the end of the day, many of us gathered for the dream ball. Above, you see me with Victoria and Rita. Everyone is encouraged to dress up like a dream character and share the dream that inspired the costume. Rita is dressed as Scarlett Johansson, and I am dressed as the snowy owl, wearing the cape I made in Kaleo Ching's class last winter.

It was intriguing, and often entertaining to see everyone's costumes. At the end of the dream sharing, awards are given for the best costumes/dreams. And then the dancing begins.

I'm not much of a dancer, so instead, I found the people I'd met and got pictures with them. Above are Freya, on the left, and Terry, in the middle, women who I will remember fondly. At the end of the night, I met up with Sue again, the woman from Minnesota whom I shared the shuttle with on the first day. I felt like I had come full circle.

If I try to sum up how I feel about the dream conference, I'm afraid I'll only have trite phrases that fail to capture just how special this experience was for me. I will say this: it helped me find myself again. It helped me see that it is imperative for me to be my true self. It allowed me to meet people who I already consider my friends. And it solidified for me that dreams are vital and beautiful portraits of our souls. I look forward to next year's conference!

Dream Conference Memories: Day Four

Monday presented another full day for me. In the morning I attended a talk by Bob and Lynne Hoss that connected dreamwork and EFT (emotional freedom technique). I have used EFT to great effect and therefore it was no surprise that I experienced healing during their presentation. Find out more about the technique here.

Next I attended the speech given by Robert Moss, one of the leading figures in the dream world and one of my favorite authors. If you ever get a chance to attend a workshop or talk by Robert, I highly recommend going. He is an eloquent speaker and a fount of knowledge. His new book explores the history of dreaming and he touched on several of the highlights from this book during his speech. I liked his presentation so much I decided to go to his workshop after lunch, even though I hadn't planned on it.

Speaking of lunch, that's when I had the chance to meet Toni, a woman I've known online for six years but had never met in person. That's her up top with her three boys, Nolan, Jackson, and Aaron. Needless to say, lunch with this bunch was anything but boring. We talked about planes, trains, and automobiles, the Chicago Tweet-up, the state of freelance writing, and whether or not the weather would hold up for the boys to play a little baseball. Toni's connection with her children was beautiful to witness. There is so much humor and love, and I felt right at home with them. I'm sad we only had an hour.

Back at the conference, I attended Robert Moss's workshop in which we used synchronicity to gain a message from the universe and did juicy dreamwork. Here again I got messages about attending to my health (okay universe, I get it now). I left the workshop an even bigger fan of Robert's work than I was going in.

That night I attended Victoria and Freya's dream group a final time, and then heard Barbara Tedlock, an author I admire, speak about the connection between shamanism and dreams. With my brain absolutely full to the brim, I retired to my room still buzzing from the excitement of the day. Of course, my most exciting day, the day I presented, was still to come.

Dream Conference Memories: Day Three

I awoke on day three with a big grin on my face because it was the day I'd get to see Penelope, a delightful woman I've known since 2003. We've only met in person three times, but we've had many meaningful phone conversations, and she illustrated my first published children's book. I have a big colorful room in my heart dedicated just to her (and it also holds her husband Colin and her wee one Veda). She is authentic, hilarious, supremely talented, and one of the dearest souls I know.

I love it when you see someone you haven't seen in years and it feels like you just saw each other last week. We fell into comfortable conversation over eggs and potatoes and continued with a trip to the pool. I got just four hours with Penelope and her family, but they were joy-filled hours. I hope I get to see her again soon.

As it turns out, I missed out on most of the dream conference on day three...all the workshops were going on while I was frolicking with the Dullaghans. That night I attended Victoria and Freya's dream group again and witnessed powerful dreamwork. I also connected with a photographer who is doing work connected with what I hope to do when I graduate, another happy coincidence.

After dream group, I attended the art show, a gorgeous display of dream art that inspired me to start creating art from my dreams. I've been thinking about doing that for quite a while, and this show, along with the artists I met, gave me the kick in the pants I needed.

Dream Conference Memories: Day Two

My second day at the IASD dream conference introduced me to many of the people who I now hold fondly in my memory.

The first is Marcia Emery. I attended her workshop on intuition and dreams, a great reminder for me to pay attention to the intuitive messages in my dreams...and the intuitive messages I pick up all throughout the day. During the workshop, we practiced getting intuitive messages about people in the class. My partner saw me as a focused, stealth lion. This immediately resonated for me -- I am entering the point of my graduate program that requires me to hone my skills and focus in order to create a meaningful final project. Later, I gave that same woman an aura reading, my first with someone outside of Intuitive Way that isn't one of my friends from school. It went well and it gave me confidence that psychic readings are going to be part of my repertoire after school.

Although I hadn't originally planned on attending it, the next presentation, one by Victoria Rabinowe and Freya Diamond, was about taboo dreams: specifically shit dreams. Flaunting their excellent senses of humor, they called it, "I Had the Shittiest Dream Last Night!" The presentation turned out to provide me with a wealth of knowledge...I have a lot of bathroom dreams. Don't we all? Their hilarious plays on words and playful presentation convinced me to join their evening dream group, an appointment I kept for the rest of the conference. Meeting these two women, who dress only in black and white and are consummate artists, was a highlight of the conference.

At lunch I bravely joined a table with at least 10 strangers and had a great time. I met a woman who knows a classmate of mine at JFK and another who recommended that I get an intuitive health analysis from the School of Metaphysics, something that definitely piqued my interest.

The biggest synchronicity of the day happened in the next workshop, one led by Susan Benson, a woman steeped in depth psychology, deep ecology, and dreams. I resonated strongly with her work. At one point she asked us to pair up with someone and share a dream. I chose Rita, a woman I had a familiar sense about. During our time together sharing dreams, I learned that she lives a block and a half from my uncle. Here again the universe showed me a family connection. Rita used to take regular walks with my aunt. What are the odds?

Finally, I attended a fascinating panel on dreams and pain, one that has convinced me, once and for all, to visit a Western doctor in the hopes of diagnosing my health issues. Although acupuncture, allergy treatment, and nutrition counseling have done a tremendous amount, all of my alternative practitioners have encouraged me to go get things checked out. I do not like Western doctors; I never feel attended to, listened to, or seen. But I know this is the best thing to do for my body at this point. After attending that panel, I'm a bit afraid to look at what my dreams are telling me about my health!

After joining Victoria and Freya's evening dream group, I retreated to my room for the first time that day. After nearly 12 hours of non-stop dream talk, I was ready to relax and recuperate for day three.

Themes from the day: listen to my intuition, continue investigating ancestry, be brave and talk to strangers, and take the time to work with all those dreams I write down every morning!

Dream Conference Memories: Day One

I stepped onto the shuttle bus, not sure what awaited me during my five-day stay in Chicago. Butterflies danced in my stomach, making me fidget. Then a friendly woman joined me on the bus. "Are you a dreamer?" she said. And that's when I knew this trip was going to rock.

It's also when the synchronicities began. Sue, the friendly woman I met on the bus, lives in Minnesota, land of my ancestors and a place that's been at the forefront of my consciousness. It's no wonder we hit it off immediately. I mentioned my presentation, and when she found out the topic was animals and dreams, our rapport grew.

On that same bus I met Peter, a quirky dreamer who joined me for dinner at the hotel restaurant the first evening. We shared dream and life stories and it turned out his wife is doing the same allergy-elimination therapy I am. Another coincidence.

And so it went for the entire conference. If I was brave enough to be myself and talk to perfect strangers (something I do not normally do), it meant I opened myself up to interesting conversations and connections. I'm happy to say, for the most part, I was brave enough, and that means I made many new friends.

That night, at the opening reception, I realized I have joined a tightly knit community of intelligent, fun, friendly people. The founders share friendships that are apparent and their love of dreams has not dissipated over the last 25 years. These are my kind of people: men and women who share a fascination with dreams, the unconscious, myth, archetype, the Earth, art, and psi. I felt I was in my element, free to be myself. What could be better?