Inspiring Family

This woman, Bea, inspires me a great deal. It is one of my goals to live a zero waste life, or as close as you can get in our society. I dream of having a worm bin. I love her idea of taking jars to the store...I did that in a limited way once and it would feel so good to do it again. Watch and feel inspired by what we can do to live more lightly.

Other places to get inspired:
Voluntary Simplicity
Your Money or Your Life
Choosing Simplicity
In Praise of Slowness

Muir Woods Wisdom

I recently visited one of my favorite places in the world, Muir Woods National Monument, a magical place. The first time I visited I felt I'd stepped into another world, and with each subsequent visit I come to know the forest more and love it more deeply.

However, during this visit I felt strangely separate from the trees, ferns, flowers, and banana slugs. My grief acted as a wall blocking the gentle love that flows from the majestic redwoods. It felt uncomfortable, this separation. The magic couldn't penetrate my defenses and I left feeling numb. I'm so used to having my heart wide open to nature that this nearly broke my heart again.

As I write this, I wonder if this dynamic is what keeps so many of us from connecting more deeply with Nature. We've all been hurt, some of us to our cores and multiple times. The constant crises happening around the world cause us intense grief and sorrow. Although Nature provides powerful healing, our hearts must be open to it before the healing will work. I see that now with an understanding I didn't have before.

Perhaps if I'd had more time (and I'm talking a few days here) the wall might have given way. I know if I'd been there to sit, relax, rest, and listen to the fresh green life growing all around me, that would have made a difference. Instead I hiked for more than two hours, and although it was slow, it was near-constant movement.

Action gets in the way of being. It gets in the way of absorbing and restoring and healing.

I have decided here and now the next time I visit Nature I will have the intention to sit, listen, and heal.

Find Yourself and Then Be Yourself

Over the holiday break, I had time to take a long look at my life. The holiday art show season completely wiped me out. Last quarter I had no time for myself, little time for seeing friends, and I had to cram school work into every second I had left after working at the shows and my part-time job. I was stressed out and miserable. And confused.

I mean, wasn't getting into art shows supposed to be a fabulous thing? Wasn't that what I was striving for?

It might have been what I was striving for in September when I started signing up for all those fairs. And it still might have been what I was striving for in October when I had my first taste of doing a fair and kind of liked it because I saw that I could make money doing them. But by the end of the season, I was completely dead. I didn't even make it to my last show, and that was a hard decision to make. I started to feel that all-to-familiar feeling of failure creeping in. But I also saw how much I had run myself into the ground and I knew I needed a break.

So I took time to really think about what I wanted in my life and where I want to go with my artwork. And the answer was surprising...and completely obvious.

I want to be a writer, a photographer, and a mixed-media artist. I want to create books that combine these three things. I want to inspire, to show others the beauty and wisdom I find in nature. I want to do all of this in the most authentic, "me" way possible. And I want to start now.

None of that has anything to do with going to art fairs or trying to get more sales on Etsy. It really has nothing to do with making money or "turning my art into a viable business" or getting retail sales. The bottom line is, this is not about money. It's about making a difference, bringing an important message to the world, and being my authentic self without holding back.

So, I'm doing it. I'm jumping into this adventure with both feet. And I've made what for me is a terribly difficult but exciting decision, and it has several parts:

1. I am not going to do more than two fairs this year, and maybe none. (gulp)

2. I am going to write more on this blog in order to exercise my writing muscle, because

3. I am going to start writing a book.

Yes, you read right. I'm getting back into the writing world. Even though I have a lot of trauma related to the children's book I published, I am going to get back on that horse. And I am going to ride that horse into a glorious sunset with fairies and birds flying around me and sparkles and rainbows. Oh yes.

This decision makes my Should, that unbearable task-master side of myself, squirm in desperation. She can see she's losing the battle this time. I can no longer listen to her demands, because the demands of my soul are so much louder now. And I know I have the strength now to listen to my soul.

So, all of this means I am going to spend more time meditating, walking and sitting in nature, painting, and writing than prepping for art shows and updating my Etsy shop and trying to market myself. I never liked any of that anyway. It feels good to declare that!

I hope you will all come along for the ride. It's going to be a magical adventure.

Lesson Learned?

For most of this week I've been sick in bed. After my whirlwind weekend that included a Halloween party on Friday, my first show ever on Saturday, and an all-day art class in Berkeley on Sunday, I totally fell apart. And I knew it was coming.

For weeks before the event, I got messages to slow down. When asked to choose an image of my ideal self in a class a couple weeks ago, I chose the image of a peaceful river, much like the one above. I want to flow easily and calmly, but my life feels like a class-five whitewater adventure.

I was also drawn to read The Tao of Pooh, a book all about just being and not making too much effort. The message sank in, but only into the surface layers of my psyche. It didn't seem to get to my inner overachiever.

In meditation I heard messages to slow down. I even saw animals in real life, like the night heron, who live slowly and quietly, and while seeing them made a huge impression, apparently their message did not sink in enough to get me to really slow down.

And so, I burned the candle at both ends until I burned out. At least I have learned enough to give myself rest when I need it. I have done almost nothing to prepare for my show this weekend and homework was ignored. I only went to work one day. And that was difficult for me. But now I see if I don't slow down for good, I might not make it to December with a healthy mind and body.

Why is it so hard for me to slow down? I have an inner drive that is insatiable. It runs at such high velocity out of fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of not living up to expectations (and the expectations in my head are far more grandiose than the expectations anyone else could come up with for me). Fear of not doing everything exactly right. And while I can say the show on Saturday was a success, the aftermath was not worth it.

I also know this drive comes from a need to control everything in my life. I tend to be the person who holds on tightly to everything rather than letting life flow gently through my fingers. I am declaring here and now that I'm going to make a conscious effort to focus on serenity and flow from now on.

I've recently discovered that the snowy owl is my new animal guide (during the fabulous art class in Berkeley this weekend). The snowy owl does a lot of sitting and waiting, preparing for just the right moment to act. It does not do anything that isn't necessary and it takes its time. In one book I read, the author said this leads some scientists to label the bird "lazy." But I can see now that this owl knows about conserving its energy for when it's really needed. And I can definitely use that knowledge to make my life a bit more sane.