Brave and Bold

I have moved into a much better place regarding the cyst. After I moved through the shock, fear, and anger, I came to a place where I saw the cyst as an ally, as I had before. But this time it's on a much deeper level.

I've asked it what it needs. It answered: let out your anger. Heal your trauma. Create more. Write more. Take more pictures. Be your authentic self.

It has much wisdom.

After hearing its needs, I made a commitment to establish a window of time for creating each week. This could include writing, painting, drawing, taking pictures, or coloring...anything that fuels my inner child and my passion for creating. This week I took my Lensbaby to the park and captured images of the red leaves and the November roses. I also did the final edits on a chapter I'm submitting to an anthology my professor is editing. It felt wonderful to give this to myself. But I won't leave this out: on Saturday I sat at the dining room table feeling incredible angst because I had a huge block about drawing. So I had to go to bed without fulfilling my desire to create. It's definitely a process.

That's what I've done on the spiritual/emotional side. On the physical side, I've also made some changes. Although I briefly took my doctor's advice and went on the birth control pill to hopefully shrink the cyst and stop ovulation, my body quickly protested. After eight days I stopped taking it and I feel much better, even with the pain from the cyst. I've opted instead to get acupuncture and my first appointment is next week. I also started restorative yoga sessions which I highly recommend to anyone, I signed up for dreamwork sessions with Karen Jaenke, a powerful dreamer, and I tried a somatic experiencing session, another technique I enjoyed. I want to dive right into the cause of this ailment to find out what is behind it. I know that is the only way my body will heal.

I also started working with my dreams on my own again, which is probably the best decision I made out of all of them. I came up with powerful insights I'd chosen to ignore the first time around. Let's face it: they weren't easy to admit to and now that I've acknowledged them it's going to mean more big changes in my life. But it's all in the name of healing, and that's what I've come to the table to do.

I feel brave and bold. I can handle this and come out even stronger on the other side.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

You CAN heal yourself! Your in my thoughts.