Katrina Dreamer Art

I've Moved!

2011-03-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to integrating my blog and my web site and now I've got a new, gorgeous home at www.katrinadreamer.com. You'll be able to find me there!

Katrina Dreamer Interviews Maria Owl Gutierrez

2011-03-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I first met Maria Owl Gutierrez when she spoke at the inaugural Earth Medicine Alliance conference. I remember clearly how she described a special relationship she had with a spider that lived just outside her front door. As she came and went, she greeted and acknowledged the spider, and the spider became a friend. One night, she dreamed of the spider. It bit her and she she awoke, Maria knew the spider had transferred wisdom and medicine to her. A few days later the spider passed. I was moved by the story. It demonstrates the kind of relationship we can have with plants, animals, and the elements if we will open ourselves to it. I am honored to interview her this week for Katrina Dreamer Interviews.

1. What is the importanceof nature?

All life on Earth dependson the complexity of relationships in the biosphere and atmosphere and humanbeings are just another biological creature participating in these complexrelationships. If you can perceive this truth, then nature is everything.Nature is existence on Earth. To really perceive this truth should really bringus into deep reverence and humility, as we are so inter-dependent on all theother forms of life.

Nature has the power to remind us of our beginnings – thefirst unicellular organism, the first breath, the first plant, fish,four-legged, bi-ped, the first reflexive consciousness. And nature has thepower to end our mortal lives. Nature has the power to inspire us and to openus to our pure beings. I hold nature as a pure reflection of that GreatMystery, The Source, The Creator, and if I can slow down and listen and witnessdeeply, I can behold this divine beauty. If I’m lucky, I’ll become aware ofmyself as harmonic nature. I’ll feel the divine beauty within me, an aliveteacher always breathing inside of me.

2. How do you connect with nature?

I spend one to three hoursin nature every day. When I can’t make this pilgrimage for many days on end, Istart to feel disconnected from the larger picture.

I don’t perceive nature asa separate consciousness from myself. When I walk through the forest and prayfor the continuance of health for the habitat, I’m praying for myself. I am theforest. When I sit and discuss my heart longings with the squirrel or hawk orlizard, I am sitting with another form of myself. We are relatives. Family. AsI am a part of my Mother and she is a part of me. We are all energy, particles of the larger consciousness thatdreamed this whole dance up. I connect to nature through deep respect andreverence in this recognition.

3. How does your work invite others to reconnect with or interact with nature?I lead wilderness fastingrites annually out to Mono Lake Basin in California’s Eastern Sierras. Theseare nine-day pilgrimages into nature where participants are invited to slowdown their urban minds and open into their nature-minds.

Part of the VisionQuest work includes a three-day solo with only water. The act of fasting fromfood and comforts is foreign to most westerners, as we’ve become so reliant onour luxuries and privileges. We, at Ancient Path Vision Quests, hold thefasting rites in a sacred and intentional way, knowing that questers will befed by Spirit while they are on their solo journeys, a nourishment that isbeyond food.

During the Vision Quest work, we engage in community ritual,dreamwork and council – all while sitting under the lodgepole pine forestcanopy with hummingbirds, butterflies and honeybees zooming in and out,offering their two cents. They are part of our community while we’re out there.By the time we depart the land, leaving it as if we were never there, we are soembedded into the natural rhythms and cycles of Earth and cosmos, that our veryperception of ourselves has shifted. When we make space in ourselves to bemoved and touched deeply by nature, we will be absolutely transformed by her.

4. What wisdom can you share that can help people establish a relationship withnature?Humble yourself. When youlook at a tree, recognize this other is not an “other," but an “I AM.”Recognize that this “I AM” is a particle of The Source, Great Mystery, andholds a consciousness and wisdom that has the power to change your life, if youlet it. This will happen when we revere anything in nature.

Take the time tosit with a non-human being – rocks, plants, water, animals, and rather thandefining what you perceive, just let yourself become empty and listen. Be opento the thousand ways this being may communicate with you – through symbols,energy, resonance, temperature. Introduce yourself to this being and tell itwhat is most important to you in your heart of hearts. Ask this being forassistance. Ask this being what you can do for it. Reciprocity is alwayspresent in healthy, thriving friendships.

5. Anything else you'd like to add?

Reclaim the wonder and awefor nature you had as a child. The loss of this way of perceiving has causedincredible harm to the planet. Remember that, though our spirits are of aninfinite nature, this one, precious mortal life on Earth right now is finite.Let’s not take this beautiful life for granted. May each of us return home tothe Sacred Web of Life, with tears of joy streaming down our cheeks.

Maria Owl Gutierrez Twice ayear Maria’s organization Ancient Path Vision Quests takes small groups intothe wilds of California for ceremonial fasting and prayer. She also serves onthe board of directors of Earth Medicine Alliance. Maria currently sees individuals and couples at her privatehealing practice in Sebastopol, Sonoma County. For more information go to: www.mariaowl.com.

Inspiring Family

2011-03-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

This woman, Bea, inspires me a great deal. It is one of my goals to live a zero waste life, or as close as you can get in our society. I dream of having a worm bin. I love her idea of taking jars to the store...I did that in a limited way once and it would feel so good to do it again. Watch and feel inspired by what we can do to live more lightly.

Other places to get inspired:
Voluntary Simplicity
Your Money or Your Life
Choosing Simplicity
In Praise of Slowness

Nature Dreaming; Japan's Earthquake and Tsunami

2011-03-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, March 8, I had a dream I called "Wave."

I'm sitting on the beach with Sarah B. It's a vacation spot--lots of people are there with us. We're chatting. Something strange is happening in the water. I see a plume of smoke rising up and there is also a wave curling in an unusual way. Sarah asks which one I'm watching and I say the smoke. But then the wave collapses and sends its energy to the left, wiping out the smoke. We watch a huge surge come in 1/4 to 1/2 mile to our left. Then I watch the water. It's rising and rising. Now a big wall of water is coming. I sense it and I get up and grab our towel. We start walking in but we need to move faster. I remind Sarah to just hold her breath when it hits. We just reach the bus when it hits and I jump on top of it as the water hits me. It pulls me up but not far. Next I see myself writing a blog title about how I survived it.

While I wrote this dream down that morning, I felt intense emotion and my eyes welled up with tears. At the time, I felt it might be related to the emotions I'm feeling around my trip and the sadness that comes from leaving a familiar place.

But I'm certain this dream was also precognitive in some way, predicting the events that happened in Japan yesterday. I've had dreams like this before that predicted or echoed earth events. I call the phenomenon nature dreaming. Others apparently experienced this as well. When I checked the dream sharing site remcloud.com, it had results showing that tsunami and earthquake dreams were trending yesterday. The Dream Tribe put out a call on Facebook to see who'd had quake or wave dreams and several users shared their tsunami dreams. My fellow Dream Tribe member Ryan had a dream about a tsunami hitting Inverness, Calif. where he used to live and woke to his wife telling him about the Japan quake. Linda, also a Dream Tribe cohort, reported that she and her husband both had dreams about tsunami dreams earlier in the week.

What does it all mean? At the very least, to me this is a powerful demonstration of how connected we are to the Earth and each other, and it serves as proof that we are all nature dreamers.

Biggest Leap Yet...Ancestral Journey

2011-03-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

You know those dreams you carry with you, the big life dreams that are often spoken with the word "someday"? I've decided to bring someday to the present. And that means I've taken the biggest leap of my life.

On Monday I quit my job so that I can take a pilgrimage to the lands of my ancestors in Europe. I plan to visit Scotland, England, Norway, Sweden, and Germany. Just imagine...the moors, the lochs, the fjords, the forests...the fairies and gnomes and elves...the schnitzel, haggis, and lutefisk...okay, maybe not those last bits.

The purpose of the trip is fourfold:

* to experience and deeply connect with my ancestral lands and observe the affect these lands have on my dreams, my psyche, and my body (in other words, mind, body, spirit, and soul).

* to learn about how people living in my ancestral lands connect with their dreams and the spirits of place.

* to make connections with other Earth- and dream-honoring people in the hopes of building a world-wide network of like-minded souls.

* to create a body of research I can turn into a book or art project that will tell the story of this ancestral pilgrimage.

This journey marks an important turning point in my lifework. I know for certain I will look back on this moment as one time in my life when I said a gigantic YES to myself and the possibility that my life holds. I am excited and nervous and giddy with anticipation.

To help me embark on this journey, I've set up a fund at gofundme.com. Whether you wish to live vicariously through my adventures or you believe in the work I'm doing, I would deeply appreciate any help can give.

Raise Money Online

And if you're feeling especially generous, please share my story with your network. And allow me to thank you in advance for supporting me and my work and for reading this blog. I plan to write here while I'm abroad, sharing my journeys. It all begins April 28...

Katrina Dreamer Interviews Amanda eloesh

2011-03-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

Amanda eloesh walks many paths. She is, among other things, an integrative medicine specialist, an expressive and meditative artshealer, and an urbindigenous priestess. When you meet her, her bright soul shines right through. I mean, look at that smile! I'm pleased to introduce her through this installment of Katrina Dreamer Interviews.

1. What is the importance of nature?
Well, it isthe source of life, and it holds the patterns and laws by which all livingthings are sustained in balance, so it is also a great teacher for us.

2. How do you connect with nature?
On an almost daily level, I like to walk andtouch the trees and mosses, smell the flowers, nibble the herbs, hold crystals,appreciate the weather in all of its forms, and I try to be more and more awareof all that I interact with that sustains me: air, water, fire, food....

3. How does your work invite others to reconnect with or interact with nature?
I start by helping people reconnect to their relationship with themselves, andfrom that foundation, that point of origin, I help my clients to see the worldaround them as a network of energies that we can have access to if we stayconnected to ourselves. At the level that my clients are comfortable with, Iintroduce the concepts of relationship (with self, with the Divine, and withall the sacred elements that are here that serve us and give us life). I feelthat recognizing these nurturing relationships in our lives, rather than takingthem for granted with a sense of entitlement, helps us to open our hearts andto feel gratitude, which is restorative and nurturing to the self and all otherliving things.

4. What wisdom can you share that can help people establish a relationship withnature?
Start each day asking to have help in opening up the mind, body,spirit, heart...so that awareness about what we are truly receiving fromnature becomes apparent. Ask, as well, to be able to receive these gifts withrespect and to know how to use them to serve the highest good, and to deepeninto a respectful relationship with all that supports us on our path. I amdoing this and I have continually found it to be profoundly nurturing, healing,and so well received by the spirit realms. I feel so many beings who areexcited that I have opened my psychic doors to honor them.

5. Anything else you'd like to add?
I love my Mother!

Amanda eloesh is an integrative medicine specialist, an expressive and meditative artshealer, and an urbindigenous priestess. She hold a master's degree fromCalifornia Institute of Integral Studies in counseling psychology/expressivearts therapy, is fully ordained as a 13 Moon Priestess, has been initiated intothe Mayan shamanic path, as well as Tibetan Buddha Dakini Tantra and Hindumudra, mantra, and yoga. Amanda creates a solid and safe container for othersto safely explore, and heal at their own pace and honors the unique path thatwe all walk as we navigate change. She helps to turn the chaos oftransformation into a graceful dance with the Divine.

Divine Dreaming Workshop in April

2011-02-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

Dreams. Art. Tarot. Put them all together and you get an abundantly creative and juicy workshop! Each night the juicy details of your unconscious emerge in your dreams, illuminating your soul. On the eve of a New Moon, Leila Jo of Crafting the Sacred and I invite you to explore a dream of your choosing through divination, collage-making, and dreaming the dream forward. Materials will be provided; all you need to bring is a dream.

You can contact me to register at katrina{at}katrinadreamer{dot}com or by visiting Jo's site: http://www.craftingthesacred.com/divine-dreaming/.

Divine Dreaming

When: Saturday, April 2

Time: 2:30-5 p.m.

Fee: $40

Location:

East Bay Healing Collective

1840 Alcatraz Ave.

Berkeley, CA

Dreaming of Iona

2011-02-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

To be drawn to observe and write about nature is not a withdrawal from the world, but a coming to know the divinity in all matter. ~ Clare Cooper Marcus

Recently I finished reading an extraordinary book: Iona Dreaming: The Healing Power of Place. I found it while searching Google for spiritual travel guides for Scotland. The author, Claire Cooper Marcus, writes about the six months she spent on a tiny island in Scotland named Iona. This island at the edge of the world helped her heal during two bouts with cancer and taught her invaluable lessons about place, relationship, and love.

As I read the book I was stunned over and over again by parallels between my life and hers. Her first introduction to Scotland (as will be mine in a few short months) was Findhorn. She believes in the power of place and spent her career teaching and writing about it. Dreams play an important role in her life and during her time on Iona she called her dreamworker weekly to discuss her dreams. Synchronicity plays a role: the book relates many incidents of waking and dream life mirroring one another, of chance encounters, of nature reflecting her emotions. She is interested in Celtic spirituality, she talks to fairies, she struggles with ego-ambition. I found in her a kindred soul.

How could I not, when she writes things like this: Dreams are "the compost of the psyche, a rich medium promoting our future growth."

And: "What the world needs now is not just environmental activists, but also quiet observers and poets of the environment whose words and images speak to people in ways that will arouse deep emotions about nature and, in turn, perhaps trigger their own moral outrage about what we are doing to our planet-home."

She speaks my language. And she's encouraged me, through her healing retreat to Iona, to find a place of my own to which I can retreat and deeply connect with myself. It's a yearning I've felt for quite a while now. I've found a few days here and there when I can slow down, but I need an extended time to go out to some natural landscape in order to go within. This is my quest, to find the time and the place to do this. Cooper Marcus has lit the fire that will light my way on this journey. I do not know where this place might be, but I have hints: Scotland, Iceland, Big Sur, the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, the Baltic Sea. I also do not know when I will be able to do the deep work of retreating, but I can feel that it is not far off. My soul and the land are calling.

Honoring the Dream

2011-02-21T07:03:00.000-08:00

For this month's DreamTribe post, I wrote about one of the ways I like to honor my dreams: by creating collages. This brings the energy of the dream into waking life in a creative way and allows me to put aside the yammering of my Inner Critic who always shows up when my paints and pencils come out. Click the link to see the full post.

Katrina Dreamer Interviews Daniel Foor

2011-02-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

Week four of the Katrina Dreamer Interviews series brings you Daniel Foor, founder and executive director of the Earth Medicine Alliance, a nonprofit that seeks to bring us back into balance with our other-than human relations. He also leads spiritual workshops around the Bay Area that are focused on earth and ancestral healing.

1. What is theimportance of nature?

The concept of nature points to a historically recent ideaamong some humans, especially in modern, Western cultures, that the realm ofhuman activity is somehow separable from the activity of the so-called natural,elemental, or wild Earth. This perceived split enables human behavior thatfails to embody moral accountability in our relationships with the manyother-than-human beings with whom we share the surface of this planet. When webelieve we are separate from “nature”, we tend to objectify our extended family(e.g., animals, plants, mountains, rivers) and set in motion painful feedbackloops (e.g., global warming, extinction crisis) that increasingly demand thatwe bring conscious this perceived separation and re-evaluate our stance on thematter.

One of many forms thisre-evaluation is taking in modern, Western cultures is the resurgence ofinterest in global indigenous traditions (past and present) fueled in largepart by the accurate sense that these older ways of life may help guide us inmore relational, ethical, and ecologically viable directions. This is alsohumbling and a tough sell for those in positions of relativepolitical/historical power as it requires confronting a few thousand years ofongoing genocide and brutality toward tribal peoples, including all of ourancestors.

2. How do you connect with nature?

As a resident of the San Francisco Bay Area, I am blessed tolive within an hour’s drive of well over 100 widely varied parks and open spacepreserves, so my primary strategy is to actually locate my physical body andpsyche in these relatively less human-impacted spaces as often as possible.This prevents wilderness from becoming an abstraction; however, getting in mycar and driving to the park also risks reinforcing the dualistic human-naturesplit at the root of the problem (a.k.a. the more I move toward nature, themore I reinforce the half-conscious perception that I’m not nature).

I have different shrines in my home where I feed withofferings, songs, and prayers the deities whose bodies are the elements. Thedance and outer play of these elemental and other ancient powers takes form aswhat we call nature. In some waysfeeding the sources of life with modest offerings is like gifting the sun witha candle, but hey, they seem to like it, especially when the offerings areheart-felt, and it’s the most realistic and down-to-earth thing I’ve come toafter applying myself to diverse religious and spiritual teachings over thepast 15 years. The more wildlydestructive aspects of our humanity can be tempered by seeking to fatten withbeautiful offerings the strange old powers that we are grown from and will becomposted into.

3. How does your work invite others toreconnect with or interact with nature?

I’m blessed to be able to scratch out an existence as afull-time as a ritualist, spiritual mentor, and earth-focused educator. I’ve also recently founded an interfaithnon-profit called the Earth Medicine Alliance whose mission is to help human toremember our unity with the living earth and to tend to our alliances with ourother relatives. I end up leading about 60 or so community rituals a year,almost all in the Bay Area. Most ofthese gatherings are outdoors, and all of them in some way seek to jumpstartand maintain a relational ways of life.

I’m in love with the Earth and it’s so painful what’s happening, Ireally think I would have a psychotic break if I wasn’t able to at least try tobe useful in some way in lessening the ecological meltdown in process. I’m just glad I don’t currently have to worka soul-crushing job just to survive like so many of my other brothers andsisters who also love the earth and are trying their best to help get us ontrack but end up feeling overwhelmed with necessary survival consciousness.

4. What wisdom can you share that canhelp people establish a relationship with nature?

Get good at grieving, because it’s largely our stubborn andfearful unwillingness to feel deeply the effects of our actions that keeps thenightmare well oiled.

Commit andrecommit to our own shadow work and relational healing and family healing,including healing with our ancestors, because we are the Earth too and if wecan’t learn how to be kind and loving and skillful with one another, we’rereally in for it even worse with respect to the larger planetary ecosystem.

Stop travelling so much or fantasizing abouthaving enough money to travel and really get to know and love your home andwhat is nearby. If you want to study indigenous wisdom, fall in love with yourhome and ask your local spirits of place what they would like from you. We need more people who feel so attached tothe local beings and spirits that it hurts in their bodies when the land isdesecrated. It takes courage to lovethis boldly and if you aren’t able to grieve then you’ll go crazy when the bulldozerscome and the frogs are born wrong, but hey, this is what we’re doing and if wecan’t see it and feel it for what it is, then the nightmare will just roll onfull speed ahead.

5. Anything else you'd like to add?

Something that nobody taught me and that it took a decade of studying shamanismto piece together is that rituals, at least most of the time, seem to work bestwhen they’re not exactly focused on the living humans present but rather onfeeding or somehow tending to our relationship to this or that being or oldnatural power. If you’re called toritual or shamanism or whatever it’s called these days, see what happens if youmake pleasing the ancient ones that hold up the Earth the focus of your work fora while and see if it doesn’t ratchet up your practice in a good way and putyou on the radar of some cool old beings.

Learning how to be of truly effective service to others of all shapes andsizes is probably the best thing we can do for our sanity and health, and thisalmost always requires working and playing in the vessel of community, which inturn requires a showdown with all of our unexamined and unhealed conditioningand trauma, so give lots of space to the year-after-year gritty work of becomea wise, loving, and fun to be around person.

Daniel Foor, Ph.D., isa practitioner of earth-honoring traditions in the San Francisco Bay Area. He hasstudied world religion for 15 years with an emphasis on diverse forms ofshamanism and indigenous wisdom, including the traditions of his recent Europeanancestors. Daniel offers trainings and rituals focused on work with thenatural/elemental worlds and ancestors as well as individual healing andmentorship sessions: www.ancestralmedicine.org. Daniel is also the founder and executivedirector of the Earth Medicine Alliance, an interfaith non-profit supportingearth-honoring ways of life: www.earthmedicine.org

The Mountains' Good Tidings

2011-02-14T11:00:00.000-08:00

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off you like falling leaves. ~ John Muir

Rebearths Book Event

2011-02-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, February 17th seven of the authors from the terrapsychology anthology Rebearths, including myself, will gather at CIIS to discuss their chapters. It's a free event and everyone is welcome!

SCHEDULE:
9:00-9:20: Terrapsychology: Coming Home to a Sentient World, Craig Chalquist

9:20-9:40: Between Honey and Pain: Colony Collapse Disorder, Bonnie Bright

9:40-10:00: Earthkeeping: Dialogical Practices of Reverence, Eileen Pardini

10:00-10:20: Metaxical Wisdom: Nature's Reconnecting Fire, Adrian Villasenor

10:20-10:40: Earthdreaming, Karen Jaenke

10:40-11:00: Toward an Ethic of Earthly Beauty, Rebecca Elliot

11:00-11:20: Embodying Storm Energy, Katrina Martin Davenport

Where: California Institute of Integral Studies
1453 Mission St., San Francisco

Being Held

2011-02-09T11:00:00.000-08:00

Nature never gives up on us. ~ Mark Coleman

Last weekend I got out to enjoy the 70+ degree weather that graced Northern California. I reflected on how a year ago I was cooped up inside recovering from a second surgery to remove a cyst from my ovary. I felt immensely grateful to have gone a year without needing a third surgery and I gave thanks to my body for its hard work healing itself. I relished the ability to climb steep green hills and feel the warm wind on my face.

I reached a high point and looked out at the vista. Two falcons soared on thermals. Mt. Diablo peeked out behind the hills straight ahead of me and the undulating valley rolled out before me. I felt incredibly alive.

Skipping down the trail I started to feel the urge to be with a tree. Not any tree would do...I kept walking until I felt drawn to an oak standing right at the side of the trail. I put my arms around its trunk which was slightly further around than my arms would reach. I stood there, hugging that oak for a long time, feeling its deeply grounded and steady energy between my arms. I started to cry, letting the oak and the earth take my pain. Relief washed over me as I allowed my emotions to flow. After a few moments I kissed the tree's rough bark, wiped the tears from my cheeks, and continued down the path.

Although at times during the last year it's felt like I've been given up on, I knew in that moment that Mark Coleman's words are true: nature never gives up on us. She is always there and she is not going anywhere. She is the most stable thing in my life even with her changing moods and despite the way we've altered her. That tree might not always be standing, and an earthquake could open up the land that holds its roots, changing how the land looks, but Nature will always be there. I take immense comfort in that.

Interview on Depth Insights Radio

2011-02-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

The lovely Bonnie Bright interviewed me Saturday about my chapter in Rebearths as well as my involvement with the TerraPlaces project. It was my second-ever radio interview and it was great fun! Take a listen.

Katrina Dreamer Interviews Pixie Campbell

2011-02-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

Pixie is one of those souls who you instantly know moves in deep, soul-centered ways. She has taught me a lot about honoring the Earth, ancestors, and animal guides. Her art stirs something deep within, the animal nature that doesn't always get a voice. I am grateful to share her with you in this third installment of Katrina Dreamer Interviews.

1. What is the importance of nature?

For my spirit, going out in tonature is like making a huge deposit in my bank account. It refuels andrecharges me. Connecting with the trees, the earth and sky, the creaturesbrings me closer to my own soul. Communing with the wild away from electricity,gadgets, and life noise allows me to hear the voices of Spirit. Sometimes itgives me direction, and sometimes I go to restore peace to my hyperactive mind.Most of the secret strengths I've discovered about myself, including mycourage, have been found in the wild, sitting next to a tree or sleeping underthe stars.

2. How do you connect with nature?

I love to sleep outside--feelingvulnerable and yet at one with the night creatures opens me in a way I can'tduplicate another way. But I also love to work in my garden, hike my dogs inthe mountains, sit in a hot spring, dance by a fire, walk into the ocean, climbrocks, collect stones, hang feathers from tree branches, observe birds. I couldgo on forever. I also connect with nature in my artwork. I work with thesymbolism of the wild creatures in my paintings. They whisper their messages tome and I translate them in my work.

Another way my children and I connect withNature and her gifts is to carry a small pouch full of tobacco or lavenderbuds. When we find a feather on the ground, or a pretty rock we want to bringhome to put on our little nature altar, we leave behind a pinch of herbs as athank you. This is the native way and it connects us through gratitude. If weforget our pouches or find something unexpectedly, we might say a littleblessing, sing a short song or leave a hair or dribble of water behind on theearth. I have enjoyed seeing my children become conscious little people intheir gratitude for what the earth offers us. It imprints many more of theirexperiences, too, such as awareness and gratitude for where their food comesfrom.

3. How does your work invite others to reconnect with or interact with nature?

My hope is that my paintings invitethe viewer to connect with themselves through the animals and the messages.What seems to happen is that when someone who already has a connection with atotem that appears in my work, is moved by one of the animals in my work,or resonates with the reading that comes with the painting, they feel a tuginto the wild. My hope is that the work touches the viewer right where theywant to grow, and that the animals become a friend and an ally for them intheir personal work and joy that lies ahead.

4. What wisdom can you share that can help people establish a relationship withnature?

If you want to establish a stronger tie to nature and feel itssoul-refreshing benefits, just go out into it. It doesn't require any specialgear or tools, just a willingness to be quiet and listen to the sounds of yourenvironment. As I said, I love sleeping outside, but for someone who is justgetting comfortable with the idea, just opening your window at night or sittingoutside in a garden at dawn or dusk can inspire in unexpected ways. Iprefer to spend some time in nature alone, or with people who honor that. I'venoticed when I'm thinking, chatting or otherwise in my left brain I cannot hearwhat nature has to share with me.

Pixie Campbell createsto share her feelings about how archetypes play out in her own life, and toinspire the viewer to try on the idea of duality--that there is a conscious"us" who feeds the children, organizes life, and thinksthings through, as well as a wild "us" who dances under the fullmoon, digs a quiet den, trusts the keen ears and whispering intuition, andadventures beyond the fences of convention. She will teach at the Squam Art Workshops this year. Find Pixie at: blog: www.pixiecampbell.typepad.com; shop: www.pixiecampbell.etsy.com; teaching: www.squamartworkshops.com

The Fog

2011-01-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Last Monday I visited Limantour Beach in Point Reyes National Seashore, a beach that's become a refuge for me. When I left my house that morning, I drove through fog so thick I couldn't even see Mount Diablo. Clouds hugged the hills along the freeway, and the grayness threatened to wipe out everything.

Upon reaching the west side of the Caldecott Tunnel, I once again saw the sun. For some reason the fog hadn't reached Oakland or Berkeley or even San Francisco. It hung above the north bay, the Berkeley hills, and parts of Marin County. Once on the Richmond Bridge, I was inside dense fog again, the bridge disappearing in the distance. It looked as though I might drive right up into the clouds.

At the beach, the fog touched the sand. I could only see a few yards and people seemed to emerge from another dimension as they walked toward me. The sun hid. The place felt ethereal, dreamlike. I found a place on the bluffs to sit and listen to the sound of the waves and immerse myself in that liminal space.

I thought about how I'd gone in and out of the fog several times that weekend. My home in Concord remained socked in for most of the weekend but Berkeley, Oakland, San Jose, and other parts of the Bay had been sunny. Each day I'd left my foggy home and traveled into sunny clarity.

Grief has moved through my life in this way lately. Sometimes I feel a rush of warmth, a break in the clouds when things seem bright and clear and real. Other times I feel lost in a fog, unclear of my direction, unsure if the road really goes straight ahead or disappears into nothingness. Just when I feel I've escaped the fog altogether, it creeps back in in the night, clinging to the edges of my psyche the way it hugs the hillsides.

As I sat on the bluff at Limantour, the clouds started to break up. I could see clear sky and then the sun burst through, warming my face. I realized that although the fog always returns, there will be moments of clarity, of warmth. There will be times when I can see the path ahead and take some more steps. And maybe the fog is there to make sure I don't try to move too fast. It slows me down and asks me to pause, to become quiet, to reflect. Just as I did on that bluff at the edge of the world.

Katrina Dreamer Interviews Goddess Leonie

2011-01-19T11:32:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the second interview in the Katrina Dreamer interview series! My guest this week is Goddess Leonie, who brings love, inspiration, and a heaping dose of humor to the women she works with. Her workshops, art, blog, and other creative projects encourage us to embrace our glorious true selves and to feel unafraid to share our gifts.

1. What is the importance of nature?

Nature is my healer. My teacher.Under the sky, with the wind brushing my hair aside, the sun kissing my cheeks, the grass beneath my feet...that is where I am most at home, most alive, most like me.

Nature is my temple. It's the place I connect to Great Spirit. I'd be untethered and ungrounded and unsettled without it. I think I'd lose that fierce, glowing spirit of mine if I wasn't intimately involved with my love.

2. How do you connect with nature?

I go outside everyday to be withher, and be with myself. I receive healings from nature. I have deep, precious, loving relationships with animal teachers--including buffaloes, my horse & my dog.

3. How does your work invite others to reconnect with or interact with nature?

I run retreats in nature. I remind goddesses to go back outside to find themselves. I create meditations in conjunction with nature energy to heal women. I teach women the ways they can receive a healing from nature.

4. What wisdom can you share that can help people establish a relationship with nature?

Everything you need is right outsidethe door. If you are ever in need of healing, it's just outside.

5. Anything else you'd like to add?

I'd loveto share a free Healing Rains meditation with you all! http://www.goddessguidebook.com/free-meditation-for-healing/

Goddess Leonie helps women discover the creative, joyful, wise Goddess inside them through an online Goddess Circle, e-courses & meditation kits. She lives in tropical paradise in Australia in a town named after a goddess. Her home is a 100-year old cottage that is filled with her shining daughter Ostara, hunky Scorpio soulmate, two very fluffy puppies, far too many musical instruments, large quantities of paint and glitter & more prayer flags than necessary. Find her at www.goddessguidebook.com, where she blogs about creativity, spirituality and how to ride joy like it is a tame but slightly mischievous donkey.

Top Landscape Photo

2011-01-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to share that this photo was named one of the top 10 landscape photographs of 2010 by Tripbase! You can see the full post and the other lovely photographs here.

It's exciting to be recognized by a travel site...I'd like to do a lot more traveling and photographing this year and this inspires me.

Dream Tribe: Nature Dreaming

2011-01-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

In my latest Dream Tribe post, I discuss synchronistic dreams I've had about events connected to nature. We're all connected and we're all dreaming about (and as) Nature. We might not notice it in our everyday lives, but I believe if we start to pay attention to our dreams and to Nature in waking, we will start to notice patterns of nature dreaming.

Check out the post to find out more.

National Park Free Days

2011-01-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

The U.S. National Parks are invaluable treasures. One of my main heroes, John Muir, was instrumental in the creation of the first national park, Yosemite, where I took the above picture of El Capitan. Some of the parks you recognize right away: Yellowstone, Yosemite, the Grand Canyon, while others are less well-known. The national park system includes national heritage sites, national seashores, and national monuments, like my personal favorite Muir Woods.

It's pretty likely there's one near you unless you live in Delaware, which is the only state without a national park. So that means it's time to get out and visit one! Entry fees vary, but there are some days during the year that are free. This upcoming weekend happens to be one of those times: from Jan. 15-17, in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, the national parks are free. Click here to see the other dates for the year.

Katrina Dreamer Interviews Cynthia Sue Larson

2011-01-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the inaugural Katrina Dreamer interview! My first guest is the radiant Cynthia Sue Larson, whose favorite thing to ask is, "How good can it get?" As a spiritual life coach and author, she encourages us to gently shift our thinking. Here she speaks about her connection with nature and how she integrates it into her work.

1. What is the importance of nature?

Nature is essential for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.We tend to take it for granted, assuming it's always there, because all lifearose from it. Nature transcends all of our attempts to categorize andcompartmentalize it, and through our experience with nature, we transcend ourcategories and compartments.

2. How do you connect with nature?

I take walks on trails in wild areas,spend time in my garden, and gaze up at the stars in the night sky... takingtime at every opportunity to savor and enjoy time with trees, flowers, shrubsand grasses. I love to sit or lie down on the ground on sunny days to readbooks... it's my favorite way to read a book. I love to look out the windowsand watch birds hunting for insects, and the wind encouraging leaves andbranches to dance and sway.

3. How does your work invite othersto reconnect with or interact with nature?

In sessions withmy spiritual life coaching clients, I encourage people to take time to be innature as often as possible. There is a special kind of positive energyavailable through direct contact with the Earth that I can feel when I lie downon a sandy beach by the Pacific ocean...or near a tree in a park...or on mylawn. I invite people to discover for themselves how much better they feelafter spending time outdoors, and I love hearing what a huge, positivedifference such a simple thing so consistently makes!

4. What wisdom can you share that can help people establish a relationshipwith nature?

You are a natural being who thrives from breathing freshair, drinking fresh water, and eating fresh food. One of the greatestepiphanies we humans can have is to fully savor and explore the experience ofeating a piece of fresh fruit with all our senses...starting with its visualappearance, and really taking some time to attend to every detail. Sniff thefruit before biting into it to see what, if anything, you can smell. Touch thefruit, and feel how rough or smooth its surface is. Bite into the fruit,and take several moments to see how the appearance, taste, smell and feel ofthe fruit now change. This piece of fruit originated from nature, and nowbecomes part of the natural you...connecting you with the circle of life.

5. Anything else you'd like to add?

I am so happy to seethat people are rediscovering the joy of having plants inside, since the joy ofbeing close to a tree or flower every day can really boost a person's spirits,and it's such a great friend to see and enjoy every day.

Cynthia Sue Larson, MBA, author, and spiritual life coach has a passionfor asking, "How good can it get?" Larson's RealityShiftersmonthly ezine reaches 6,400 subscribers, and her books are praised byauthors Fred Alan Wolf, Stanley Krippner, Larry Dossey, Edgar Mitchell andLynn Robinson. www.realityshifters.com

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Do you know someone who would make a great Katrina Dreamer interviewee? Or do you do work in the world that you'd like to share with us? Contact me at katrina at katrinadreamer dot com!

Announcing Katrina Dreamer Interviews!

2010-12-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited to announce that starting the first week of January, I will be posting biweekly interviews with some truly amazing people. These are individuals who are tapped in. They're connected to nature, dreams, non-ordinary states, consciousness. And they're doing fabulous work in the world. I wanted to share their gifts and give them a platform to speak about the importance of nature and how it connects to their work.

On January 5, the Katrina Dreamer Interviews series begins. It's going to rock! The series will post every other Wednesday, so make sure to check back to see what amazing person I'm featuring next.

And if you know someone who should be included in this series (or if you feel your own work deserves some recognition) pop me an email at katrina at katrinadreamer dot com.

2010 Adventures

2010-12-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

Yosemite Falls and a Misty Valley

It's that time of year, when we all look back at where we've been, what we've done, what we've seen. As I uploaded pictures of my recent trip to Yosemite for snowshoeing and snow-eating and snow-gazing, I realized I've seen some pretty amazing nature this year. And I am grateful I have the means to find my way to them.

Here are the adventures I've been on in 2010:

Heather Farms Park, Walnut Creek

Canadian Goose Reflecting at Heather Farms Park

Heather Farms Park in April...it's only a few minutes from my house, but the birds there tickle my heart.

Clayton Valley

My Favorite Oak Tree Ever

Clayton Valley in May, where my favorite oak tree lives.

Muir Woods

Mossy Fairy House

Muir Woods in May. I was lucky enough to visit this magical place twice this year.

Larkey Park

Tree That Lives at Larkey Park

Larkey Park many times...it was one of my spots for the TerraPlaces project. These pictures were taken in August.

Lime Ridge Open Space

White-Tailed Kite Flying at Dusk

Lime Ridge Open Space in September. I was there to witness the full moon on the equinox.

Dinosaur Hill

View of Pleasant Hill From Dinosaur Hill

Dinosaur Hill in October, another spot I visited for the TerraPlaces project.

Muir Woods

Turkey Tail Mushrooms

Muir Woods, October. I could spend days and days and days here. Seriously.

Montara and Pacifica

Rivulets in the Sand, Pacifica

Montara and Pacifica, November. I was lucky enough to attend the Earth Medicine Alliance retreat and see the gorgeous shoreline at Montara, and then visit Pacifica on the way home. I'd been away from the ocean for an entire year and it was magical to see Her again.

Limantour Beach

Waves at Limantour Beach

Limantour Beach, November. Returned to the place where the ocean gave me the idea for my master's final project. I felt immense gratitude seeing this beach again.

Yosemite

Foggy Forest, Crane Flats, Yosemite

Yosemite, December. How I love Yosemite. And this is the first time I've snowshoed there. Glorious.

So there you have it, friends. I hope to go on many more adventures next year (and at least one I know about already...my trip to Scotland in April and May!).

Joanna Macy and the Great Turning

2010-12-16T11:55:00.000-08:00

At her recent talk at CIIS, Joanna Macy posed the following question: "How do you dare to give yourself to something when the outcome is uncertain?"

An apropos question, seeing as most of us there were some iteration of environmentalist/deep ecologist/Buddhist/spiritual seeker/nature lover/naturalist and we were there to hear her thoughts on what the hell we can do to stop the wholesale destruction of the planet. I'm sure many of us there had wondered, more than once, why we should even bother to continue the struggle when things can seem so bleak in the face of the Deep Horizon disaster or mountaintop mining or wolf slaughter or clear-cutting.

Her answer: "That's what brings us alive -- to go toward things that are uncertain."

She would know something about that in her line of work. One of her main focuses is on the Great Turning, which she describes as the move from industrial growth society to "a life-sustaining civilization." There's no guarantee that the Great Turning will happen. Some might even argue it isn't going to happen and that we're heading toward something more like the "great unraveling." But Macy doesn't let the uncertainty stop her. The key here is that it enlivens her...and it enlivens all of us.

She spoke that night of "risking into life." Jumping in with both feet and not stopping to worry about the thousands of things that could go wrong. She said that without risk "we can't discover the full measure of our creativity or courage."

Let me just write that one more time: without risk, we can't discover the full measure of our creativity or courage. Take a moment to let that sink in.

This statement could apply to any aspect of our lives: love, a job search, a business endeavor, deciding where to live, deciding whether to take that trip to Fiji or Europe or Thailand. Without taking the risk, how can we know what we're made of? We have to ask ourselves, as my friend Cynthia would say, "How good can it get?"

So how do we get around the feeling that this is difficult, that bringing about the Great Turning (or a new relationship or a new job or a new life) is an insurmountable task?

By allowing. By surrendering. By letting go of our ideas of how it should look, should happen, should be.

"This work will feel like something coming through us...like grace. If that's our compass we don't have to struggle. The power comes through us," Macy said. "When we don't need to see the results of our actions, we're liberated. We can just act."

Walking My Path

2010-12-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

Back in November I attended the Earth Medicine Alliance's first conference. The Bay Area nonprofit is just about a year old and this was one of its first public offerings. From the moment I found its web site a few months earlier, I knew this would be a group to align myself with. But it wasn't clear until I soaked up the positive energy of that conference just how closely this group would match my values.

After feeling completely alive and juiced at the conference, I decided to attend the annual members retreat later that month. We gathered at the edge of the continent where the Pacific meets the land. On our first night, as we participated in ritual visioning, a powerful storm blew and boomed outside, punctuating our intentions. The people gathered there spoke from their hearts, sharing their hope that we can bring back an Earth-honoring culture.

I left the retreat feeling full and knowing I'd find a way to help the organization grow and thrive. And last week I was accepted as a member of the board of directors. It gives me great joy to know that working with this organization is going to allow me to connect with many more people who share my conviction that humans and nature must be reconnected. I feel, too, that I've just stepped more firmly on my path. What a fantastic feeling.

Dream Tribe Debut

2010-12-08T16:03:00.000-08:00

I'm beyond thrilled to have been asked to be a part of the Dream Tribe, a site dedicated to helping people connect with their inner dreamer as well as all those dreamers out in the wide world.

For my inaugural post, I chose to write about the spider-scorpion, a dream character that helped facilitate a great deal of healing within me. The post went live at the same time as news came from Texas Tech University that a pseudoscorpion had been discovered living in caves in Yosemite...scorpions that are a cross between a spider and a scorpion. Synchronicity, anyone?

Terrapsychology Anthology Available...And I'm In It!

2010-12-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

For a really long time I'd had the goal to have a book published that includes both my words and my images. I'm so happy to say that with the publication of the terrapsychology anthology Rebearths: Conversations with a World Ensouled my dream has come true!

My photograph graces the cover of the anthology, which includes the writing of many different scholars who look at the world through the lens of terrapsychology, the study of the interaction between the psyche of the planet/the land/place and the human psyche.

In addition, my paper Embodying the Power of the Storm is one of the chapters included in the book. I feel honored and privileged to be part of this excellent group of writers (some of them were my classmates at JFK!). Accompanying my chapter are a few more of my photographs.

I am grateful to Craig Chalquist, who edited this work, and who first introduced me to terrapsychololgy in his Planetary Psychology class at JFK University. Finding out about this field of study lit a fire under me that has yet to burn out.

Head on over to Amazon and get your copy! You won't be disappointed. It's also available on Kindle.

Registration Open for Art of Dreaming Wishstudio Class

2010-12-01T10:06:00.000-08:00

I'm thrilled to announce that registration is now open for my juicy Art of Dreaming class at the Wishstudio!

Four delicious weeks of diving into the Dreamtime to bring back gifts that can enliven your art. And by art, I mean a lot of things...your paintings, your photography, your music, your pottery, or the creative way you live your life. Calling yourself an artist is not a prerequisite to signing up for the class. To register, follow the link above.

The details:

When: Begins January 8, and runs for four Saturdays.
Cost: {$58}
How: Class is online and a new post goes up each week. There will be a forum where class members will interact with each other and with me. I'll also be online each Saturday to answer questions and chat.

Connecting with the dream world can enliven and deepen your art!

This course will set the foundation for artful dreaming. First, we’ll look at creative ways to remember and record your dreams. We’ll also look at different artists who have used dreams in their art.

Second we will seek out dream allies who can take us in new directions or strengthen our skills.

Third we will play around in the hypnagogic realm, that space between waking and sleeping that is ripe with possibility and creativity.

And last, we will look at the different areas in which dreams and art dance together.

During the course, students will share artwork inspired by their dreams, and, if they wish, share dreams they are having. Katrina will work with one person’s dream for the second, third, and fourth classes to give participants a deeper understanding of how to work with their dreams.

Speaking at CIIS

2010-11-07T16:29:00.000-08:00

I'll be speaking as part of International Education Week at the California Institute of Integral Studies on November 15. I'm excited to have the opportunity to get the word out about the TerraPlaces project and meet several other like-minded souls!

Here's the info:

"TerraPlaces: Deep Communion with Nature"

Monday, November 15

11 a.m.

Room 607

California Institute for Integral Studies

1453 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA 94103

And here is the flier...if you can attend the entire day, I highly recommend it!

In other news, I attended the Earth Medicine Alliance conference this past weekend and found it a wonderful experience. The organizers are heart-centered, soulful people and I think you should check out their web site right now and consider becoming a member. They are doing important work in the world.

Ancestral Dreaming

2010-11-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm inspired by Samhain and Day of the Dead to speak about ancestral dreaming.

This can have many meanings. We may dream about the land where our blood ancestors lived. We may dream about the land upon which we were born. We may dream about lands we lived on in past lives.

And it's not just the land that comes to us, but the ancestors as well. I know many people who have dreamed of grandparents, great-grandparents, and even more distant ancestors who have passed away and visited in dreams. In my own work, I've come to believe that it's not just blood ancestors, but the people I call spiritual ancestors, who come to us as well.

Three years ago, on the morning of Halloween, I had just such a dream.

I see a spinning globe with red lines being drawn all over it. One line is drawn down Eastern Europe or Africa, I'm not sure which. Then I hear someone telling a story about hundreds of orphans. I am one. I am in a house with the people who adopted me. I am drawing a big blue and green eye on my hand between my pointer finger and thumb. It is shaped like the eye of Horus. As I draw the eye, I have a memory: I work at a market. Every day I see another girl who works there who has a beautiful brown horse. I want to go see her, but I am afraid. Finally, I do. She has symbols drawn in purple on her hand...one is a half-moon, another may be an eye. She is a gypsy and a psychic and she tells me I have the gift too. That night, as I am drawing the eye on my hand and having this memory, a violent storm blows in with lots of lightening and pounding rain. I am scared at its power and feel it's related to me somehow. My adopted mom and I look out the window and see our house surrounded by a flood.

That night, I was lucky enough to work this dream in a class I was taking. We did Gestalt dream theater in which each piece of the dream is played by someone in the room. When I walked up to the woman playing the gypsy psychic, she said, "This is your lineage." I had shivers.

I knew the ancestors had come to me in my dream. You can see the importance of the land in the dream as well, from the map to the market to the house. And storms play a big role in my life, so it's no surprise I have a violent, scary storm raging outside in this dream. I've worked with this dream on and off during these three years and it continues to bring me gifts.

I encourage you to do your own ancestral dreaming, especially at this time of the year. Speak to the ancestors. Call out to your ancestral lands. See what comes.

Here are some other writings on ancestral dreaming to whet your palate.

Dream Genealogy by Amy Brucker

Connecting with the Ancestors on Day of the Dead/Samhain/Halloween by Robert Moss

Initiation Dreams by Erin Langley

Gypsy Girl For a Day

2010-10-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

Alessandra Cave, creator of Gypsy Girl's Guide, asked me to write a guest post about the TerraPlaces Project and I happily obliged!

I am amazed at how the project is already taking off, even for the newest members. The landscape is speaking to us loud and clear, both through waking interaction and in dreams. A massive oak tree got one participant's attention, while a dream bird left one of its feathers on a bush in Berkeley for me to find. There is still time to join and experience this deep connection for yourself!

Harvest Moon and Equinox

2010-09-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

For a personal fall equinox and harvest moon celebration, I decided to visit Lime Ridge Open Space this evening. It's nearby and there are many hills from which I could easily glimpse the moonrise.

As I walked up the first hill from the parking lot, I was stopped in my tracks by seeing a barn owl hovering over the field ahead of me. I watched it hover, fly forward a few feet, hover some more, and do this same pattern while making a circle over the field. Eventually it caught dinner and flew with it to a nearby tree. Seeing an owl within minutes of arriving was a beautiful sign.

I climbed a small hill to a bench and awaited the moon. The evening was warm and peaceful. A few other moon enthusiasts were out as well, including two women who found a spot and began doing yoga and a small ritual.

I watched white-tailed kites hover over the fields as well and saw one swoop down and catch it's dinner. I heard the squeak of the animal it caught. Witnessing this made me catch my breath in amazement. I saw a rabbit run across the trail a few feet ahead of me. And then, I saw the moon.

It rose majestically from behind the hills, tinged orange from the sun's last rays. I did a small ritual of my own, reading a list of things I am ready to let go of, and welcoming in whatever the universe has in store for me. I included some pretty big items on the list this time around; it's time for some major clearing in my life. I teared up while sharing the list with the moon. It felt like a benevolent and generous guide holding space for me.

I walked down the hill and was greeted by one more barn owl that flew right toward me and then veered off to my left over a hill. I could not have asked for a more magical evening. I came home feeling uplifted and relaxed.

You can see an entire set of photos of the evening on my Flickr page.

Fall TerraPlaces Project Launched

2010-09-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

Autumn begins this week, we get to enjoy a gorgeous harvest full moon, and we also get to revel in the launch of the Fall TerraPlaces Project!

During this three-month phase we'll be exploring the connection between place and dreams. How do landscapes show up in our dreams? How does a deeper connection with the land affect our dreams? I'll be teaching you how to foster a more in-depth relationship with both the land and your dreams. We had a fantastic time during the last phase sharing our places with one another and I can feel the momentum growing already with this new phase. Come and join us!

Nature Dreaming

2010-08-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Here is a startling example of how nature inhabits our dreams, straight from my own dreams.

On July 31 I had the following dream: I am in a cozy cabin with a fire going in the fireplace. I settle in and feel good, but there is a nagging something in the background. I look at the view -- I see the Golden Gate Bridge and the sun setting, but something feels off. Then a huge, luminous, gorgeous tidal wave sweeps toward me. It is so beautiful! Illuminated from the inside and turquoise and green. It is also scary. Then a goddess in a yellow dress appears in the room with me. I know she is the sun. She stands in front of me and says, "Jump!"

The next day, solar storms occurred on the sun that affected the magnetic field of the planet, causing gorgeous aurora borealis visible by many people on Earth. Pictures of the aurora that I saw featured colors that reminded me exactly of the tidal wave in the dream. When I heard about the solar storms, I was blown away...this is what my dream was telling me about!

There are many hints within the dream: the fire, the Golden Gate Bridge, the tsunami (the storm looks like a wave on the surface of the sun), the sun goddess. It's all there. Of course, the dream had personal significance for me as well with the emotional upheaval I'm going through. I believe most, if not all, dreams have several layers of meaning.

These kinds of dreams happen all the time and some have them more than others. I'm someone who happens to dream of natural elements, especially storms, quite often.

Image courtesy of NASA Goddard Photo and Video

Prayers for the World

2010-08-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I listened to one of the most moving and heartwarming recordings I've heard in a long time. On the summer Solstice, members of the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers came together along with 17,000 people from around the world on a phone call. The grandmothers had messages for us about the water, about the land, about peace. They asked us to hold the Earth in our hearts, to say prayers for the Gulf of Mexico waters, to always think about the children. I highly recommend you listen to it. It is long, but completely worth the time. The prayers and blessings that were said were so beautiful.

The story of the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers alone can bring you to tears. There have been prophecies in many indigenous cultures that such a group would form, and we are living in the time when that prophecy came true.

You can learn more about the grandmothers in their movie, For the Next Seven Generations or by reading their book, Grandmothers Counsel the World.

Finding Our Place

2010-08-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

I feel so much joy about how the TerraPlaces project is coming together. In just two weeks we've grown from six to 31 members and the numbers increase daily. We have participants from Australia, the UK, Europe, and the US. We all share a deep love of place and I can tell this from the responses people have shared about their experiences sitting with their special spot the last two weeks.

One member is sitting with an inviting strip of forest just outside Minneapolis. Another will commune with a lake in Maine. Still another will walk a path in Oakland, tending to the land by picking up the trash that daily accumulates there. We've talked about the Milky Way (something I've never seen) and people have guided me to local spots where I might catch a glimpse. We've shared how even our front porches, backyards, and decks provide us a link to the natural world. From cicadas to hummingbirds to deer, we're visited by our animal brothers and sisters and we revel in it.

Here are a few snippets from my journal entries:

August 4: "I immediately tried to find the redwood tree I'd had in my mind as 'the spot.' I couldn't find it. It's like it wasn't there, this amazing tree I'd created in my mind. I knew I'd visited a beautiful redwood there before, but 'the tree' hid from me this time. So instead I walked the concrete path, grumpy about how many people were there and angry I only had a little time to spend.

I ended up at a large pine tree with smooth bark that caught my attention. Lance pointed out that six crows sat in the tree. I looked up and had trouble seeing them at first, but they slowly appeared. Crows. I wasn't sure what to think about that. Lance sat down in the grass and I joined him, promptly putting my hand in bird shit. I felt defeated. A very emaciated woman walked by, telling her husband she was glad she'd be able to go to the doctor tomorrow. Seeing her felt right: I, too, was emaciated, but in an emotional sense. This divorce and the other circumstances surrounding it have left me exhausted, drained.

The next morning I returned, determined to have a better experience. A cold wind blew that made the park uninviting. I wandered to a stand of redwoods next to the outdoor pool. I saw several mushrooms blooming and felt uplifted: a sign of life. Then I noticed several Corona bottle caps as well. Light. Light in the darkness. I took a breath. I walked around a while longer and then left."

August 9: "It was much quieter at the park than during the day...there was no pool noise and fewer people overall so I thought I'd be more relaxed and happy. Soon, however, the highway noise overtook it all. After a while it was almost all I could hear, drowning out the sound of the wind and birds. I tried to allow it to be there but I found myself becoming more and more annoyed. I tried to focus on the beauty around me: the tree silhouettes darkening against a lavender sky, the feel of the redwood trunk behind me, the soft dirt under my hands. I breathed in the cool breeze. And still the cars and trucks haunted me.

I realized I must make room for the highway noise. The more we resist things, the more they push back. Somehow, I want to find a way to hold the reality of the highway and still enjoy the nature that surrounds me at the park. Somehow, I have to find a way to hold cities and nature. And here I am, setting up a duality. There must be a way to better integrate cities and nature so the flow is there, so it's not a this vs. that situation."

It's a learning process. I relish the idea of seeing where this practice takes all of us as we visit our places between now and December.

I Heart Center for Ecoliteracy

2010-07-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'd like to tell you about an organization I admire: The Center for Ecoliteracy. They call themselves a "leader in the green schooling movement" and they are doing some of the most important work in the world right now. Their programs focus on connecting children with nature and healthy food and creating a generation invested in sustainability.

As a former elementary school teacher, I am thankful that someone is bringing this work into the classroom. Programs like the ones the Center for Ecoliteracy creates are going to be instrumental in reshaping society's views on nature.

The center recently posted an article on their blog about children at a New Orleans school that have challenged their school to become less oil dependent. Check it out. This is just the kind of thinking the center aims to instill in the children it works with.

Sunday Service: Back to Earth

2010-07-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have some amazing friends who put together fabulous events and I'm lucky enough that they invite me to take part. Just such an event is happening on Sunday, August 22, and I would love to see you there!

My friend Julieann had this amazing idea to create a daylong event in wine country that would connect food and the planet. She asked me if I would speak and I was there in a hot second. My friend Eileen and I will lead a workshop demonstrating several engaging activities you can bring into your life to foster a deeper connection with the land and the food you eat. It's going to be a gorgeous, juicy day!

Here are the details:

Sunday Service: Back to Earth
Creating Inspiration for the Work Week
$185 per person
Includes:

A Porter-Bass Vineyard tour
An organic sack lunch featuring produce from Quivira's biodynamic farm Ici ice cream
A workshop lead by me and Earthkeeper Eileen Pardini on reconnecting with nature
Wine tasting
A catered dinner from the Porter-Bass biodynamic garden created by chef Blair Warsham of graffEats

Location:
11750 Mays Canyon Rd., Guerneville, CA 95446

Organized by Julieann Moore of This Little Cookie. A portion of the proceeds will go to the Center for Ecoliteracy.

BUY TICKETS

TerraPlaces Project

2010-07-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

I am so thrilled to announce that a project I cooked up is launching this Sunday, August 1!

It's called the TerraPlaces Project and it is all about connecting with nature. My goal is to gather people from around the world to participate in the project, which is a study to determine the effects of being in the presence of nature.

I'd love for you to join us! The only requirements: choosing an outdoor space to sit with and sharing your experiences on our web site. The benefits to you could include reduced stress, greater connection with your environment, and closer ties with family, friends, and the flora and fauna that inhabit your chosen place.

Have a favorite spot next to a tree or on a shoreline? Or wish you could spent more time outside? This is the perfect way to incorporate more nature into your life.

The first phase of the project begins August 1, so sign up soon!

And once you've joined us, visit our Facebook page.

Loving the Tarantula

2010-07-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

For my entire life I've been terrified of spiders. Even the teeniest speck of a spider brought on panic attacks as a child (and who am I kidding...two years ago a black widow nearly scared me literally to death). I remember some story about a black widow being in my crib, but I don't know if it's true. I do remember the black widow that came crawling out of the faucet one day when I was about to take a bath. And all the black widows that made webs on the foundation of the house who terrorized me as I helped my mom plant marigolds. Me and spiders just didn't mix.

The last three months of college in Boulder I lived in the basement of a townhouse. Desperate to find a place, I'd taken the first one I saw. The day I moved in the former tenant casually said, "By the way, this place has a lot of spiders." Alarm bells sounded in my head. I went into full panic. How could I live there?! Just then, a big spider lumbered out of the closet. It was a long three months. Every morning, as I sat peeing in the tiny bathroom, one or two spiders would crawl out of the space occupied by the water heater (and a spider colony, apparently) and come to wish me a good morning. Or sometimes they sat in the bathtub, and spiders always look bigger contrasted against white bathtubs. These spiders met with a watery grave.

Other spiders in this house weren't so lucky. They were doused with Raid. And so was I. Perhaps all my health problems can be traced to living in a Raid bomb for three months.

Even though I thought the only alternative to going crazy from panic was killing these creatures, I didn't feel good about it. I just didn't want them near me...and especially not on me.

One spider almost caused me to wreck my car. It was a gorgeous fall afternoon in Denver. I pulled out from the light at 6th and Speer and as I did, I looked to my left. I detected movement on my arm. My heart raced and then I saw it: a small, white, creepy-as-hell spider. I shrieked and flung my hand to whisk it off of me. Then I remembered I was driving. I looked up just in time to avoid hitting the car in front of me. Shaking terribly, I pulled into a gas station. I searched the car...it couldn't have gotten far. The spider crawled out from under my seat and met its death: pounding by ice scraper.

So I guess I'm a recovering spider murderer. It doesn't feel good. But I am trying to make amends. Sometime in the last year my heart flipped over and I started to care for spiders. Not love, mind you, but I developed a respect and admiration for them. They're pretty amazing. They create incredible webs. And many cultures believe they are symbols of the goddess. So that changed my mind. I started to wonder if Spider was one of my totem animals. I had no trouble accepting Bear and Owl, but Spider? Hmmm.

Somehow, it sank in and I embraced spider as sacred. I placed the Spider card from the Medicine Cards on my altar. And I declared a moratorium on spider murder both at home and at work. Now they spiders are relocated. I have also spoken with the spiders and told them the house rules: they can live with me as long as they don't get on me. If they break that rule, I can't guarantee my reflexes won't kick in. No one's tried it yet.

But the biggest change came last week on a hike with a friend in Mount Diablo Regional Park. (You may remember that this is the place where I first encountered Owl. It's a magical place...I've seen a mole, quail, and a coyote there as well.) We were out at dusk, our favorite time to be in Nature. At one point I looked down and saw my friend about to step on a tarantula! I yelled out, but couldn't articulate what I wanted to say.

Luckily, she stepped right over it. That's when I realized I wasn't afraid. Instead, I wanted to see it. I wanted to watch it, take it in. I could appreciate its beauty, its fragility. It was big, at least the size of the palm of my hand. And yet, I had no desire to run away. I told my friend in amazement that this was the first time I'd seen a tarantula and not panicked. The last time I saw one, I was the one who almost stepped on it. As soon as I saw it I jumped several feet to the right and had a panic attack. This time, I didn't want to leave the tarantula.

Eventually we sauntered off on the trail. I couldn't stop thinking about the tarantula. And I knew then that I'd accepted Spider as a totem, because that tarantula is in my heart even now.

Afraid of the Wild

2010-07-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

I realized a while ago while visiting my favorite oak tree that I am still afraid of the wild. For all the writing and talking I do about getting into nature, there are some things I can't bring myself to do just yet. Like walk through knee-high grass in summer for fear of ticks, for instance.

My mom works for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and that means I grew up with a more-than-healthy concern for Lyme disease. As I stood at the edge of the trail, facing the magnificent tree that I've sat under so many times, I just couldn't budge. I'd never been there when the grass was high, so I'd never had to confront this particular fear.

I tried talking myself into walking right through that grass without a care so I could lean up against the tree's wide trunk and take in branches and sky and Mt. Diablo and rolling hills. But it didn't work. I hiked further up the hill and sat under a much smaller tree right next to the trail where I wouldn't have to touch any grass. I felt like a wuss, like I had failed somehow. The view isn't as good from that tree; there are too many cookie-cutter houses and strip malls below. Leaf-blowers whined and car motors rumbled and there was too much smog. And right before me was miner-stripped Mt. Zion's deep ridges, a stark reminder of the damage we do to Nature. It didn't quite create the mood I'd hoped for. But, the view did echo my inner landscape: one in which I'm still afraid of bugs and diseases and dirt. A landscape of separation.

I think that's when the tiny iridescent-green beetle came to visit. It landed on my hand and stayed for a long while, tromping around. Eventually it settled on my finger and I was able to take a picture. I sat with that beetle, watching its antennae waving in the wind. It seemed to have achieved the relaxation I longed for. So I settled back and took its example, content to let the breeze tickle my face. Later, another beetle joined us. It landed in a container where I'd put cherry pits and carrot nubs. I got it to crawl on my other hand and I tried to see if the two beetles could be friends. It didn't work out. The second beetle soon flew off. The first beetle and I shared the space for a bit longer and then it left as well.

I like to think that beetle came as an ambassador from the wild. It visited to say, "Hey, we're not so bad. Get to know us. Don't shy away. And relax already." I don't know if the beetle cured my fear of ticks, but it did encourage me to slowly become more courageous about exploring the wild.

Mourning the Gull

2010-07-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I awoke with the following dream:
I am swimming in a bay watching two gulls sitting in what looks like a car from a rollercoaster. It's floating in the air. One of the gulls is badly burned; she looks dark pink and nearly featherless. The car touches down into the bay. The burned gull flies off and the other, healthier-looking gull remains. He cries, mourning the loss of his mate. Then he is hovering over me as I lay back in the water. The water is very thick, like foam padding and it is deep gray. I am surprised it can hold me like this -- I don't have to make any effort. I start sobbing, mourning the loss of the burned gull. I weep and weep. The gull comforts me. Then a big wave comes and pushes me away from the gull. I am sad, but I know we must be separated.

This dream demonstrates my feelings about the dying Gulf of Mexico seabirds and the sea turtles being burned alive as BP tries to clean up the oil. It shows that the ocean will still hold us, that there is still the possibility of relationship even though we have so thoroughly let the ocean down. There is hope.

I'm having trouble mourning the Gulf in waking life...the pain is so tremendous that I don't let myself go there very often. This is the case for most of us: the devastation is overwhelming to the point of numbness. But we still need to try, as much as possible, to feel the anger, the sadness, the pain. Because the numbness is what got us here. It is what has keeps us disconnected from Nature.

Terry Tempest Williams recently wrote a moving piece posted at the Great West Institute's blog. In it she makes the connection that this wound gushing from the center of the earth is our own wound: "How many people killed, how many communities destroyed, how many ecosystems ravaged, how many species lost, before we will begin to see this dark open wound gushing from the depths of the sea as our own?"

This is one reason why this crisis is so devastating and painful. This is our blood pouring out. We are wounding ourselves. She goes on to say, "Carl Jung has described the ocean as a symbol for the unconscious. May our unconscious death grip on the planet be brought to the surface and released as we seek individual and collective help for the trauma we are inflicting on ourselves and all life on this beautiful, breathing Earth, from our self-destructive behavior and dangerous dance with oil."

This is "trauma we are inflicting on ourselves and all life." It bears repeating because it is important for us to understand how deeply this affects us all. So what is to be done? Must we all just sit with our grief, not knowing what to do, ignoring it, numbing out?

No. We can do several things. First, we can look at our own individual dependence on oil. By now we all know the solutions: biking or walking to work and nearby errands if possible. Cutting way back on consumption. Eating local. These are all good first steps.

But there is more, and Terry Tempest Williams shares this step in her piece: we must bear witness. I bore witness in my dream this morning, as well as in the pelican dream I shared earlier. This is one way to bear witness. Another is to listen to the stories of the dying animals, the dying livelihoods, the dying ocean. Yet another is to look at images, watch video of the damaged waters. And finally, we can literally get ourselves down to the Gulf and see the crisis first-hand. That is what Williams says she will do.

It is not necessary to go to the Gulf physically. We can go there in our minds, in our hearts. Watch your dreams: you may be traveling there at night. As Williams writes, "We can bear witness each in our own way, each in our own time, each with the gifts that are ours. The adage, 'all disasters are local,' has never been more true."

Find your way of bearing witness. Transmute the pain and grief into an action you feel comfortable taking. This is the most important work we can do right now.

Saying Yes

2010-06-30T18:19:00.001-07:00

The month of June allowed me to realize that when you accept what the universe has in store for you, it does a celebratory dance and showers you with goodness.

Although I've struggled for many months, I had huge breakthroughs in June.

I came to terms with my divorce, probably my biggest accomplishment.
I finished a final project for my degree that I will now turn into a book.
I graduated from JFKU with a Masters in Consciousness and Transformative Studies (woo hoo!).
I created a business plan for the business I hope to roll out in the next year.
I landed a TA position for the Planetary Psychology class taught by Dr. Craig Chalquist at JFKU this summer, one of the best classes I ever had at JFKU.
Craig offered me a TA position in the new Ecotherapy Certificate at JFKU and I will help launch the program in the fall (this is seriously exciting).
I sent emails and letters and had meetings that led to several upcoming events.

It's like a red carpet rolled out just for me, a divine path that puts my work center stage. It feels amazing.

Here's a sampling of the fabulous events I'm participating in...there will be more to share soon.

I'm giving 30-minute dreamwork and intuitive readings at Terra's Temple Day of Renewal, June 24, 12:30-4:30 p.m., in Oakland. $9 for members, $24 for non-members, no one turned away for lack of funds.
I'm partnering with the Powers of Place Initiative to create an interactive event about connecting with nature that we hope to launch sometime this summer...stay tuned for more on this!
I'm speaking, along with my friend Eileen, at a fabulous wine country event on August 22 planned by my friend Julieann. The day includes a winery tour, catered sack lunch and dinner from a biodynamic farm, and close interaction with the land. I am thrilled to be a part of it. I'm sending more information about this in my newsletter and I will post here as soon as I know more.

It all feels a little surreal. I say to myself, "Can it really be this easy?" And then I laugh. Of course it can: it already is! I have never felt this alive or ready to be who I truly am. Look out, world! Here I come.

I Heart TED and Sylvia Earle

2010-06-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

Recently I've started spending a lot of time at the TED web site because they partnered with 2009 TED prize winner Sylvia Earle, one of the greatest voices for the ocean.

Every few weeks they upload new content to a series called A Taste of Mission Blue. I highly recommend watching the talks. Here's the text from TED about this project:

"On April 6-10, 2010, inspired by Sylvia Earle's TED Prize wish, a group of 100 scientists, activists and philanthropists set sail on an epic adventure into the blue. During five days of cruising the Galapagos Islands, we developed a new model of radical collaboration that could significantly impact the way we protect our oceans. (For details, read the blog post Ocean Hope at Mission Blue.)

Talks in this theme come from the scientists and ocean lovers onboard Mission Blue Voyage. And start by watching Sylvia Earle's TED Prize wish from TED2009: 'I wish you would use all means at your disposal -- films! expeditions! the web! more! -- to ignite public support for a global network of marine protected areas, hope spots large enough to save and restore the ocean, the blue heart of the planet.'"

Earle also just launched her ambitious and needed project Mission Blue to create what she calls Hope Spots throughout the ocean to help protect critical ocean animals and habitat. Whenever I become discouraged about my own work related to the ocean, I think of Earle and others like her and I keep moving. Continuing to speak for the ocean is the most important thing for me to do right now.

Dreamer of San Francisco

2010-06-16T11:40:00.001-07:00

My lovely friend and classmate Linda Mastrangelo wrote an article on me as part of her Dreamers of San Francisco series at Examiner.com. The article describes my work in the world, providing a glimpse into where the universe is taking me. It also talks a little about the the final project I just completed for my master's in Consciousness and Transformative Studies.

And be sure to check out the others featured in this series...dreamers are fascinating people!

Embracing the Pelican

2010-06-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I had the following dream:

I'm standing at the edge of a marsh or wetland. I see a bald eagle flying toward me. It lands in the water, wings out. It comes right toward me. Then it changes into a golden eagle with a strange, long, duck-like bill. It has red-brown eyes that hold sadness. It walks right up to me. I back away slightly and so does the bird. We hesitate. But I realize it wants me to pet it. I begin petting its head and it turns into a pelican. Soon it is right up against my body and it is the same size as me. It rests its head on my shoulder. I feel so much love for the pelican and I want to protect it. As I pet it, its feathers dry off and become incredibly soft. As I pet the pelican, I talk to it, trying to soothe it.

My heart is absolutely breaking at the situation in the Gulf. So many animals are dying: pelicans, sea turtles, dolphins, marlin, shrimp...the list is enormous. The tragic results of our greed and over-consumption are nearly more than I can bear. I wish I were able to save every single bird languishing in the oily Gulf waters.

The collapse of the Deepwater Horizon platform came just 10 days before a major collapse in my own life. At the end of April, my husband and I decided to divorce. I felt everything crash in around me. We were already losing our physical home to foreclosure, and now we are losing our metaphorical home as well. I have to rebuild everything from scratch.

Although my husband and I will remain good friends and the separation has been as amiable as possible, the grief runs deeper than I could ever imagine. As a result of my personal upheaval, I have had a limited capacity to work with the grief I feel over the death in the Gulf of Mexico.

But this dream provided a doorway into that grief. As my mentor Karen Jaenke said when we worked this dream, if I can inhabit my personal grief then I can better hold the collective grief over the oil spill. I am creating a bridge to the collective grief in the dream when I hold the pelican despite my own suffering and attempt to relieve its suffering. We meet halfway, each coming from our own tragedy, in order to heal each other. As I soothed the pelican, I also soothed myself and it soothed me.

I feel stronger now. It's been more than a month since Lance and I made the decision to split. With each day that passes I feel more capable of holding the Gulf tragedy in tandem with my own crises. The next step is to transform this grief into healing, a step I imagine will take many, many months.

Both images courtesy of the International Bird Rescue Research Center

Muir Woods Wisdom

2010-05-23T15:05:00.001-07:00

I recently visited one of my favorite places in the world, Muir Woods National Monument, a magical place. The first time I visited I felt I'd stepped into another world, and with each subsequent visit I come to know the forest more and love it more deeply.

However, during this visit I felt strangely separate from the trees, ferns, flowers, and banana slugs. My grief acted as a wall blocking the gentle love that flows from the majestic redwoods. It felt uncomfortable, this separation. The magic couldn't penetrate my defenses and I left feeling numb. I'm so used to having my heart wide open to nature that this nearly broke my heart again.

As I write this, I wonder if this dynamic is what keeps so many of us from connecting more deeply with Nature. We've all been hurt, some of us to our cores and multiple times. The constant crises happening around the world cause us intense grief and sorrow. Although Nature provides powerful healing, our hearts must be open to it before the healing will work. I see that now with an understanding I didn't have before.

Perhaps if I'd had more time (and I'm talking a few days here) the wall might have given way. I know if I'd been there to sit, relax, rest, and listen to the fresh green life growing all around me, that would have made a difference. Instead I hiked for more than two hours, and although it was slow, it was near-constant movement.

Action gets in the way of being. It gets in the way of absorbing and restoring and healing.

I have decided here and now the next time I visit Nature I will have the intention to sit, listen, and heal.

Active Imagination Healing

2010-05-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I took time out to do a castor oil pack and listen to a sound healing CD. During my meditation, I tried a little active imagination healing. I first imagined a strong green light penetrating into my womb, focusing specifically on my ovaries. As I did this, I paid attention to what images arose.

First, I saw a rat gnawing on the cyst on my right ovary. It finished quickly and was left with a large, hard nut. It took the nut and immediately planted it the ground. Right away, a small plant with two leaves sprouted up from the ground, healthy and strong.

I felt really good about that and checked in on the cyst on my left ovary. First I saw numerous tropical fish, many of them yellow, eating the cyst in small bites. I watched them for a while. Then a giant shark shot out of the depths. It took a huge bite out of the cyst and disappeared down into the dark. It surprised me. I had to take a minute to let that sink in.

After the CD finished, I felt incredibly relaxed and I had no pain at all on my right side. The pain on my left side had diminished, and today I feel little pain even though my period is about to start. I hope to do this combination (castor oil, sound healing, and active imagination) again to continue the work the fish and shark have already done. And I'll check in once in a while with that plant to see how it's doing. It will be interesting to see what that seedling becomes.

If you'd like to try this for yourself, there are only a few guidelines to follow with active imagination. The most important piece to remember is to let the images do what they will. Do not try to guide them or control them. And if something shows up you find silly or grotesque, do not try to make it go away. For instance, let's say I saw a pile of maggots, something I consider disgusting. I would want to stay with the image of the maggots to see what they do and what their actions might tell me.

A lot of times disgusting images morph into something else. Stick with it and you'll see amazing things.

Struggling

2010-05-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm struggling. Slowing wading through muck. Kind of like Atreyu and Artax in the Swamp of Sadness.

I'm going through a major life transition that is so much bigger than graduating. There is much loss in my life and I'm having a hard time coping. I may appear to have it all together on the outside, but on the inside it's all collapsing.

On my better days I can see that this is all for the best. I've been told by mentors and intuitives that this is what my soul yearned for. And I've gotten dream and active imagination messages that tell me the reason this change came in such a chaotic way was because I've been repressing my true feelings for so long. Sometimes, things just have to burst open and be dismembered so the new life can begin. I know this to be true, but the pain is hard to bear.

My dreams involve phoenixes and eagles. They feature massive trees growing up through buildings and breaking through the roofs. Shadow figures have been pushing their way inside my house. I can't hide from this anymore.

And now is the time to walk my talk. This too is difficult. I just want to hide, numb out, run away. But I can't. I have to keep pushing forward like Atreyu does after Artax dies, overcome with sadness. I can be brave, I can be strong, I can push through these obstacles, face the Gmork, and stand in my truth to create a whole new world.

One Among Many

2010-04-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

My pomegranate photo was featured on PhotoGrunt Wednesday...I like how Steve put all these images into one post, creating a story reflecting our beautiful world. He does this feature often, and he calls it The View From the Big End. He finds POE team photos that are about to expire on Etsy and makes them into a list to showcase others' work. A fun idea!

I really like the group Photographers of Etsy (POE)...I'm a member and I enjoy seeing all the images my fellow photographers create. Such a talented group!

America's Best Idea

2010-04-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Lance and I have been watching The National Parks: America's Best Idea, a lovely new mini-series by Ken Burns. Each weekend we get to learn a little more about the history of the parks when a new disc arrives from Netflix.

After watching the first disc about the creation of the first national parks, Yellowstone and Yosemite, which happen to be two of my favorite places in the world, I fell in love with John Muir all over again. Once I graduate, I want to read his books and anything else written by and about him. I also want to make a pilgrimage to the John Muir House: admittedly it won't take me long because it's in the next town over. The picture decorating this post is from my favorite Bay Area locale, Muir Woods. It is one of the most magical places I've ever been and no matter how many times I visit, it never fails to entrance me.

In all, I've been to 14 places within the national park system:

Rocky Mountain National Park (many times...it was practically in my backyard growing up)
Yellowstone National Park (in 1990)
Mount Rushmore National Memorial (in 1990)
Canaveral National Seashore (in 1991)
Mesa Verde National Park (in 1993)
Grand Canyon National Park (in 1993)
Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve (in 1993 and 1996)
Golden Gate National Recreation Area (many times)
Muir Woods National Monument (many times)
Point Reyes National Seashore (many times)
Sequoia National Park (in 2007)
Yosemite (in 2000, 2005, and 2006)
Alcatraz Island (in 2009)
Presidio of San Francisco (many times)

The standouts for me are certainly Rocky Mountain National Park, Yellowstone, Yosemite, Sequoia, Muir Woods, and Point Reyes. The theme here is trees, I'd say, with a dash of ocean.

I recommend watching the series. It not only highlights our gorgeous national parks though the stunning cinematography, but it also points out who fought for the wild lands in this country, who we can thank for preserving them. Because let me tell you, if it wasn't for people like John Muir, Teddy Roosevelt (that surprised me), and Stephen Mather, I'm not sure how much of that land would have been saved from mining, forestry, and development. I am eternally grateful to them.

Mother's Day Giveaway at DSG

2010-04-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm participating in the Design Style Guide Mother's Day Giveaway! Visit the link and you can enter to win fabulous handmade gifts...you might even win a $30 gift certificate to my shop! It's easy and you can enter multiple times.

Other prizes include a gorgeous vase, a whimsical clock, or a blue heron hand-painted tile. In all, there are twelve prizes available. Good luck!

Enter soon...the giveaway ends May 9. Winners will be announced May 12.

Thoughts on Earth Day

2010-04-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am grateful. Grateful for the willows’ branches that gently sway in the wind. Grateful for the rain that breathes life into the soil. Grateful for the nematodes and peregrine falcons and hibiscus flowers and amethyst and right whales. Grateful for my intimate connection to each being on this planet.

I am grieving. Grieving for the bleached coral, the mountains that lost their majesty to dynamite, the ocean waters rendered dead by fertilizers. Grieving for the seal trapped in a fishing line. Grieving for the wolf shot from a helicopter. Grieving because of my intimate connection to each being on this planet.

I am hopeful. Hopeful that more and more people will become conscious of this deep connection. Hopeful that we will find a way to live on this planet sustainably and with respect for every centimeter of land, every molecule of water, every living being. Hopeful that we can heal the wounds within us that cause us to wound what surrounds us. Hopeful that we will realize and hold dear our intimate connection to each being on this planet.

Good Ol' Trickster

2010-04-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

Back in October, I went for a hike, the first after my surgery in August. My plan: to connect with the land and find out what it might have to say. I chose the Black Diamond Mines in Antioch, the site of a former mining town revisioned as a regional preserve.

I did not expect to connect with archetypal energies (read: trickster) and learn a powerful lesson about myself, but that's exactly what happened. And I wrote about it as a fairytale, one I've posted over at Katrina Dreamer.

Here's an excerpt to whet your palate:

When she looked up from her thoughts, she stopped dead and gasped. Her left hand flew up over her heart and she uttered, "Oh my god." A coyote trotted along a cattle trail 50 yards away on her right. Its fur matched exactly the yellow-brown early fall grass. Katrina stared as though she saw a deity. She could not move her feet: the sight of the animal rooted her to the ground. The coyote crossed the valley as Katrina silently watched. It appeared unaware of her although she knew it sensed her presence. The beauty of the animal put Katrina in a state of awe. Time stopped. If I could hold on to this moment forever, I would, Katrina thought. Read more.

Dumped On

2010-04-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

Driving on the back roads between Moraga and Oakland recently, Lance and I stumbled upon something that hit me to my core.

In an area surrounded with lush trees, ferns, and wildlife lies a toxic make-shift dump. Lance spotted it out of the corner of his eye as we drove on windy Pinehurst Road, just a few feet from one of the entrances to Redwood Regional Park and the county line. We got out to take a closer look and my heart just broke.

The dump extends for hundreds of feet. In it are a rotting car, sofas, mattresses, and all kinds of other trash. And down-slope from this mess is the Upper San Leandro Reservoir. The area is a vital watershed that eventually ends up in the Bay and is home to many animals and plants.

I am stunned that the dump there, although I understand how it happened: it's a clear representation of our disconnection from nature. There are still so many people out there who think that dumping their junk onto nature won't really hurt anything because they have no way of relating to the animals, the plants, or the land. As long as it's out of their house/yard, that's all that matters. It's away. But not really. It's harming the land, the animals, the plants, and because we're all connected, it's harming us. The easiest way to see this is that people fish in the reservoir, and those fish could be contaminated by the toxins from dumps like these breaking down and flowing into the streams when it rains. Of course, the harm goes much deeper than that.

I don't know what's been done to clean it up: I'm investigating that now, as well as doing a lot of letter-writing. I do know from reading the County Public Works Department Web site that the county spends millions of dollars cleaning up dumps like this. If you're as incensed about this dump as I am, I've added some links to people to write to or call.

Places to contact:
County Public Works Department Road Maintenance Division 925-313-7000 (When I contacted them they wasn't sure if it would be their issue, but I would still call them...the more people who do, the more it will encourage them to do something.)
East Bay Regional Park District
East Bay Municipal Utility District
Contra Costa Times Environment reporter Mike Taugher 925-943-8257 or mtaugher@cctimes.com
Environmental Program at Merritt College in Oakland
Friends of San Leandro Creek

Joseph Cornell -- Swoon!

2010-04-13T09:19:00.000-07:00

My husband just told me about Joseph Cornell -- Lance was introduced to the artist in one of his classes at Expression.

I've fallen. Hard. Cornell's works are magical, dreamlike, delicate. He used found objects to create assemblages that capture the imagination.

Clicking around to find out more about Cornell led me to Joseph Cornell's Dreams, the book and Web site about Cornell's links to the dream world. Included on the site are some of the dream fragments Cornell recorded in his journal. It's all so inspiring! And it's making me want to pull out my National Geographic magazines and get snipping to create some new collages from my dreams.

Suisun Bay Clean-up

2010-04-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

image by Ingrid Taylar

When I moved to the Bay Area for the second time in 2000 and came over the Benicia Bridge, I was struck by the sight of giant ships lined up in a row in the bay. I wondered what that was all about. Come to find out, the area is the Suisun Bay Reserve Fleet, one of three such sites maintained by the Maritime Administration. The 57 ships in the fleet at Suisun Bay are obsolete World War II-era ships that are rotting away and creating environmental and public health issues.

Luckily, the Obama administration decided to clean up the area and remove the ships for recycling. This process began in October, and according to an email I got from Barbara Boxer this week, an agreement was reached between the Maritime Association and state water regulators to speed up removal of the ships. The 20 most degraded ships will be removed by September 2012, and the rest will be out by 2017.

According to the Maritime Administration, the ships will be cleaned of loose paint and invasive species before they are towed down through the Panama Canal and to recycling facilities on the Gulf Coast and East Coast. It's too bad these rotting ships have to make a journey through the fragile ocean waters before they're disposed of, but at least they are finally being dealt with.

Somatic Dreamwork

2010-04-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

Ever since my first exposure to it in a class called Dreams & the Body taught by Karen Jaenke, somatic dreamwork has become one of my methods of choice, both when doing my own dreamwork and when working with others.

Somatic dreamwork involves listening to your body, and specifically finding where dream images live in your body. According to the somatic dream theorists, dreams live in our bodies in much the same way memory is stored in our bodies. The dreams stay in our bodies until we unearth and work with them.

How does one connect the body and the dream? A great technique is focusing, developed by Eugene Gendlin, who wrote one of my favorite dream books Let Your Body Interpret Your Dreams. Basically, the dreamer closes her eyes and focuses on her body while holding the dream or a specific dream image in mind. Usually within a few moments a body sensation or felt sense appears. It can feel like a stabbing pain, a murky unpleasantness, a warmth, tingling in the thigh...any number of sensations can appear.

After finding the felt sense, the dreamer stays with it as long as comfortable and tries to see what the sensation has to say. This can involve asking it a question or merely staying with it to see what comes up. In my experience, what the felt sense has to say surprises the dreamer and leads to an "a ha." Other times, the felt sense moves around like a slippery fish, trying to escape detection. Usually though, if the dreamer stays with it, she will gain insight into what the dream had to say through the body sensation.

While working with Karen in a recent session, she asked me to feel a specific dream character in my body. Immediately I felt nauseous, one of my least-favorite sensations. However, I tried to stay with the nausea. As I watched it and allowed it to be present, it began dissolving and eventually morphed into relief. Instead of pushing against the nausea, which had a specific message, I allowed it to appear and held it gently, listening to its message. After I received the message, it did not need to remain and it disappeared. This is important: often body symptoms have a great deal to teach us if we are willing to listen to their messages rather than pushing or medicating them away.

Remember my friend with the house dream? I used somatic dreamwork with her, asking her to feel where the house lived in her body. It turned out that the house was her body. This caused her great surprise and gave her a valuable message.

I recommend trying this the next time you have a dream you can't figure out. Choose the most potent image from the dream. Close your eyes and ask the question, "Where does this live in my body." Give it time to appear. Follow your body sensations...do you have a crick in your neck? A warmth in your leg? Any sensation you have is valid. Then stay with the sensation. Arnold Mindell would recommend amplifying the sensation, making it more intense in order to get its message. Then ask the sensation what it wants to tell you. Listen. If it moves, allow it to move and simply follow it with your attention. Patience and an openness to your body's messages are key.

I've found that these methods get past all the complicated work with symbols and archetypes. Don't get me wrong: I love work with symbols and archetypes, but sometimes I want to find the message of the dream in its pure and immediate form. And this method can be incredibly and deeply healing.

Holy Gingko

2010-04-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

The Economist reported last month that an 800-year old gingko tree that stood outside the Tsurugaoka Hachiman shrine in Japan crashed to the ground in March. The Shintos believe that nature is holy and therefore this tree was divine. Accordingly, thousands of people rushed to the shrine to pay respects to the tree.

But it may live again. Scientists are working to replant and clone the tree through grafting. I wonder if anyone has asked the tree how it feels about all this. Shigeho Yoshida, chief priest at the shrine, said he feels the tree might have been trying to send a message by falling: "Perhaps the tree fell to draw everyone’s attention away from their focus on materialism and money."

Read the full story here.

All This to Save Some Money

2010-04-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

image courtesy of nasaimages.org

A Chinese coal ship sits in the Great Barrier Reef right now, leaking fuel and adding to the destruction of the already ravaged and delicate World Heritage Site. Read about it here.

And this isn't the only ship to navigate the protected waters. Apparently it has happened before, and experts say it will likely happen more often now that more coal and natural gas are being shipped from Australia.

The Environment Minister of Australia says it's "too early to tell" if the oil already leaked will damage the reef. Hello? Any toxic chemical spilled into a fragile environment is going to cause damage.

The ship is there because the people in charge wanted to save time and money. Just another example of greed and a lack of understanding of our precious ocean. It absolutely breaks my heart.

Simplicity

2010-04-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of Dan Price? He's the guy who wrote Radical Simplicity, a book which I just read and thoroughly enjoyed. He lives in a tiny home he carved out of the earth. I mean, it's literally carved right out of the ground and covered with grass and twigs and moss. He survives on very little and calls himself a hobo; his greatest joy comes from traveling around, sleeping in tents and meeting new people. For a while he wrote for Simple shoes, chronicling his adventures. Now you can read his ramblings at his own Web site. He was my first foray into the world of simplicity, and now I am hooked.

Although I don't think I'd be comfortable living out of a tent and eating dried fruit and jerky every day, I find the idea of simplifying extremely attractive. I see now that I've been steering my life in this direction for years.

For a while we've been making our own beans rather than buying canned, and taking time each Sunday to prepare large batches of food that serve as our home-cooked version of fast food throughout the week. Think chicken soup, chili, veggie casseroles and the like. It's great to take a jar of homemade soup out of the fridge, pour it in a bowl, and heat it up after a long day of work and class. The food tastes way better than something out of a can or box, it's made with care and attention by us, (not by a machine) and it's still easy and quick to prepare. We also shop at the Farmer's Market each week where the pace is slower and more relaxed. It's great to get fresh air while searching for the best tomatoes and strawberries. I'm all about slow food.

With our impending move, Lance and I are taking steps to downsize as well. We're giving up our TV and Xbox and we're sending bags of clothes and kitchen clutter to Goodwill. I'm clearing out the closets out and soon we'll have one of those epic listings on Craigslist that serves as a virtual garage sale. I can't wait. I love getting rid of stuff. It opens up so much space, both in my physical surroundings and in my mind. But this time, I hope not to fill up the space with other junk that will collect dust. I want to become an even more conscious consumer, buying only what I truly need.

What I would recommend if you're considering integrating more simplicity into your life is to take it slow (of course!). Don't go cold turkey because that can drive you crazy (I speak from experience). Instead, try making one night of the week your home-cooked meal night. Or take a small bag of clothes you never wear to Goodwill or another local charity in need. Giving up everything isn't the point; instead, it's finding a balance that's right for you, one that respects your true needs and the needs of the planet. Do you really need 20 pairs of shoes? Do you really need to eat Wendy's on the way home? By slowly trying out new ways, you'll see what works for you and what you can't live without. The funny thing is, once you go down this road, your brain and habits start to shift and you'll look back years later and laugh that you really did think you needed those 200 back issues of your favorite magazine and the dress you wore to prom.

Other great simplicity resources I'd recommend:
Voluntary Simplicity by Duane Elgin
In Praise of Slowness by Carl Honore
Slow Food USA

Reappearing

2010-03-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a long, long time. I took a more-than-three-month hiatus from the Web in order to get my bearings. I needed all that time to be with myself, to go within, to listen.

During my absence I went through another surgery and had time during recovery to rest, contemplate, and re-evaluate. I finally slowed down enough to really listen to what my body and soul wanted me to hear. And so, great changes are afoot.

In the next few months, I'll be graduating, leaving my home of five years (and my house of more than three years), and seeking out new horizons. Although I've been saying this for a long time, (since everything went wonky with Denise's Mold five years ago) it is time for me to truly follow my passions. I pay the idea a lot of lip service, and I do little things here and there, but this time I mean to take a giant leap forward. What exactly that means is TBA.

I do know that my final project is shaping up into a book. I also know that I must write, photograph, teach, and spend copious time in nature. I must work with children in some capacity. I must continue indulging my artist. I must work with dreams and myth and archetype. I must continue doing intuitive readings. It's all vital. Just how all these puzzle pieces (and a few more) fit together is the conundrum.

I hope to do much more with this blog as well. There it is, written in plain English for the wide world to see, and so I can't ignore it. Look for more of my words and images to come.

And the Winners Are...Plus an Interview

2009-12-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to announce that Janelle is the winner of my first gratitude giveaway!

And Whitney will be the proud owner of an oak print as the winner of the giveaway at Goddess Leonie's blog.

**************************************

I'm also excited to share an interview with me on Beyond Pickles and Doughnuts. Author Javy Galindo, a fellow student at JFK University, spoke with me about my many career changes and how it all comes down to listening to your heart.

You can also listen to the podcast to hear more.

Gratitude Giveaway, Part One

2009-12-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

This month I'm focused on gratitude. I believe if we cultivate a feeling of gratitude in our lives this helps us stay in the flow and allow more abundance and love into our lives. Plus, it just feels good to think about all we are thankful for!

A quick list for this week: the smell of lilacs, crispy leaves crunching under my feet, a sky full of stars, the Lensbaby Muse lens, dreamwork, and roasted vegetables.

All month I'm hosting gratitude giveaways right here. This week I'm giving away an 8x10 print of the lovely redwood forest adorning this post. How do you win? Tell me about one experience in your life where you felt someone's gratitude for you. Leave your story in the comments either here at my blog or on Facebook. On Friday I'll announce the winner.

AND...

The fabulous Leonie is also holding a sponsor giveaway at her blog and I'm one of the featured sponsors! Leave a comment on her site by Wednesday to win an 8x10 image of this beautiful California oak.

Good luck!

First Photography Award

2009-12-06T13:41:00.000-08:00

I am pleased to announce that I won both 2nd and 3rd place in the photography category of the John Muir Medical Center Aspen Surgery Center Art Show! The magnolia won 2nd place and the lily won 3rd.

This is a huge honor. It's the first photography award I've ever won, and it holds special meaning since Aspen Surgery Center is where I had my surgery this summer. It was enough for me to give back to the staff by bringing some beauty to the hallways...the awards are just icing on the cake.

Locals can view the show between now and January 15th. Park in the free parking garage at the John Muir Medical Center on Ygnacio Valley Road in Walnut Creek and take the elevator to the ground floor, which is the Aspen Surgery Center. Enjoy all the gorgeous local art hanging on the walls, including acrylic, watercolor, and oil paintings, photography, and mixed media!

The 10th Day of Christmas

2009-12-05T15:15:00.001-08:00

I'm participating in the Design Style Guide 12 Days of Christmas! Click on the link to find out more. It's going to be fabulous!

Twelve shops are giving away 12 goodies including handmade ceramics, watercolors, and photography...and that means 12 winners! I'm giving away a $38 gift certificate to my Etsy shop on the 10th day.

It's easy to enter and win, and the more you spread the good word, the more times you're entered to win. Good luck!

And check back here in a few days for the first of five giveaways right here at Katrina Dreamer.

Communicating With Nature

2009-12-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

I talk a lot here about communicating with nature. But what does that mean? Does it mean a tree or a rock or a bird actually talks to you? Does it mean that the tree or rock or bird actually understands what you say back to it?

On a certain level, I believe the answer is yes. I don't mean that the ocean is suddenly going to start talking to you in a booming voice that speaks perfect English. There are many ways of communicating, including through sensations, visions, smells, and signs. Some people, like Dorothy Maclean, one of the founders of Findhorn, do hear a voice in their head when communicating with trees or plants. But others receive the communication in the other ways I've listed.

I am a panpsychist, someone who believes that everything, and I mean everything, in the universe has at least some level of consciousness. I take a broader view than many panpsychists might, and this stems from my work with terrapsychology, parapsychology, shamanism, and the pagan beliefs of my Celtic and Nordic ancestors.

In any case, I regularly communicate with nature. This can take many forms. Sometimes I sit down with a tree and see what it has to tell me. Other times I address the ocean or the land upon which I'm sitting. It could also mean communicating with birds or cats or insects.

There are several ways in which to do this. Sometimes I use my clairvoyant training and I go into trance while sitting with a tree, watching for what the tree has to say. Other times I will get into a meditative state and attempt to speak with the soul of the land, a practice which is the essence of terrapsychology. Or, I might leave my eyes open and watch for synchronicities, which is another way in which nature communicates with us. All of these ways are valid, and all of them work.

If you would like to try communicating with nature, I've found the following meditation to be a good introduction. You can have someone read this to you, or record yourself saying it and play it back. It's best to do this while in nature, but you can do it from your bed as well. Have a journal or paper and pen ready nearby so you can record your experience.

Communicating With a Place in Nature That Calls You
Get into a comfortable position. You can sit up or lie down. Take a few deep breaths, calming your body and mind. Feel for anywhere you are uncomfortable and shift yourself to the most comfortable place you can manage. Allow any thoughts that arise to come up and then let them drift away. Imagine each thought as a balloon that slips through your fingers and flies off on the wind.

Imagine you are in a clearing. You sit amongst grass and wildflowers. You hear the gentle burble of a stream in the distance. The wind gently blows through the trees, touching your skin. Breathe in the fresh air and feel the sun on your back. You see the beginning of a trail before you. Get up and begin walking on the trail. Eventually the landscape will change. You'll start to notice different features. Maybe the forest gives way to a sandy beach. You might find yourself standing in front of a waterfall. Go wherever the trail leads. When you recognize you've found the right spot, find a resting place. Is the setting familiar or foreign? Have you been here before? Open yourself to what this landscape has to say. Ask the land a question, or simply relax and allow it to share its message with you. Stay here for a few minutes.

When you feel you are ready, stand up. Thank the land for being with you. Begin walking back down the trail. When you reach the spot where you started, gently open your eyes and return to the place where you are. When you feel ready, write down your experiences.

Fifteen Minutes of Etsy Fame

2009-12-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

This image was featured on the front page of Etsy this morning! I can't seem to figure out how to work the screen shot thing so you can see the whole treasury, but you can view the treasury at Craftcult.com. Yay!

And my thanks go out to Alison Kelley Designs, who made the treasury that made the front page.

The Reluctant Dreamer

2009-11-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

She said she never remembered her dreams. She said she felt intimidated about working with dreams because everyone else has epic dreams with many scenes and incredible characters and she doesn't have those kinds of dreams.

I asked her if she could remember anything at all from the last few weeks. She paused. "No," she said. "Nothing." Pause.

"Although I do have a theme."

A theme? How was that possible if she hadn't remembered any dreams at all?

"Well," she said, "the theme is houses."

Aha! We were on to something here. I asked her if she remembered any of the houses.

"Not really. I mean, there was one house, a beautiful Victorian." And then she described an amazing house in full detail. I could picture it in my mind, she described it so well. I knew this was my chance.

I asked her if she would be willing to work that dream.

"Dream? That isn't a dream, it's just one image."

I told her even one image, especially one remembered in such detail, counts.

We proceeded. I asked her to become the house through a technique called gestalt, and asked her to answer questions as if she were the house. When she finished, I proposed she read the answers imagining she was reading about herself and not the house.

At first she was silent. Then she clucked her tongue, shook her head, and widened her eyes. I wasn't sure if I'd bombed or hit the nail on the head.

"Wow," she said. "That's amazing. It totally tells me about myself right now."

From there, I asked her to feel where the dream lived in her body, which led to more insights. This is why I love dreamwork. It brings us home, right to the center of ourselves, and shows us what we haven't been paying attention to.

All you need to work a dream is one image. Even if it is in black and white. Even if all you can say is that you remember an elephant. Or a pencil. Or a bush. You can tease a lot out of an image: what feeling does it evoke? What does it remind you of? Even those two questions can take you on an amazing journey of self-discovery. It doesn't have to be fancy, you don't have to know about archetypes and symbols, and you don't have to have an advanced degree in mythology. All you need is a little time, the dream image, and a mind and heart that are willing to hear what your soul wants to say.

Gratitude Sale

2009-11-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

I have so much gratitude for those who read my blog, support my art, and make me and my work feel welcome in the world.

And so, for the rest of the year, I am having a sale to say thanks.

Details
Buy any of the following:
*two 11x14 prints from October Photography
* a one-hour aura reading
* a one-hour dreamwork session
and get another item from the list FREE.

Mix and match! Buy two fabulous gifts for two fabulous friends, or get one item for a family member and treat yourself to the other item! There are endless possibilities.

THANK YOU for all of your support this year!

Turning Leaves, Changing Priorities

2009-11-17T21:53:00.001-08:00

I'm looking inward as the days fade to darkness sooner and the weather turns colder.

I'm seeing how I want to take better care of myself.

I'm slowly doing things differently...taking my camera out for walks more often, listening more closely to my body, grabbing the charcoal and sketch pad when my artist self calls out for them.

It's difficult. Sometimes I fight it. The old ways return: beating myself up for not accomplishing more, telling myself I'm not good enough because I don't measure up to other women I compare myself to.

Eventually I'll create new patterns, ones that are more suited to my soul. I'll ignore the critic more and embrace the artist. And it will feel so good.

What Would Happen?

2009-11-03T19:32:00.000-08:00

At a certain point I have to stop reading all these “how-to” books and just start writing. I can feel my teeth clench against this realization. My bottom teeth put pressure on my top teeth and now my tongue is jammed up against the roof of my mouth. Keeping those words in. My face feels long, serious. My neck is tight, my arm is pressing against my side, my fingers grip my pen in order to control what is coming out. My penmanship must be perfect and so must my words. I must keep it safe, not explore any place that could harm, hurt, surprise, shock, or anger others. Keep it neat and tidy, prim and proper. Don’t show the rough edges, the darkness lurking just under the surface. That will only cause trouble and good girls don’t cause trouble. Now the pen moves on its own, the writing becomes sloppier, untamed. The penmanship is larger, more fluid, not so tight and perfect. The hand feels more open, more words can flow through. It feels a little scary to let the words run on their own. The critic wants to step in, stop everything, return to the usual order of things, but the wild artist appreciates being let out, being allowed to roam the page and shriek and shout and do cartwheels. What if I broke out of the lines? What if I just leaped wrote over here
and over there
didn’t follow any rules
at all?

What would happen?

NOTHING.

Nothing at all but the release of my soul.

Coming Full Circle

2009-11-03T11:22:00.001-08:00

Life moves in circles and cycles. It's a simple fact, but sometimes we forget. Until something happens that shakes us out of our stupor.

This morning I opened an email from the East Bay Artists Guild. The email had an attachment, an entry form for the Guild's upcoming winter show. I remember hearing something about it several months ago, but it hadn't piqued my interest then.

When I opened the attachment, I saw the universe at work. The show is taking place at the Aspen Surgery Center, the very part of the hospital where I had my surgery this summer. I remember walking down the long hallway toward the waiting room, seeing the art on the walls, and thinking, "My photos would look good in here."

And so we come full circle. I am entering three of my photographs, including the one above, into the show. My photos will hang on those walls. I suppose I'm giving back a little beauty to the place that played a vital role in my healing.

Brave and Bold

2009-11-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

I have moved into a much better place regarding the cyst. After I moved through the shock, fear, and anger, I came to a place where I saw the cyst as an ally, as I had before. But this time it's on a much deeper level.

I've asked it what it needs. It answered: let out your anger. Heal your trauma. Create more. Write more. Take more pictures. Be your authentic self.

It has much wisdom.

After hearing its needs, I made a commitment to establish a window of time for creating each week. This could include writing, painting, drawing, taking pictures, or coloring...anything that fuels my inner child and my passion for creating. This week I took my Lensbaby to the park and captured images of the red leaves and the November roses. I also did the final edits on a chapter I'm submitting to an anthology my professor is editing. It felt wonderful to give this to myself. But I won't leave this out: on Saturday I sat at the dining room table feeling incredible angst because I had a huge block about drawing. So I had to go to bed without fulfilling my desire to create. It's definitely a process.

That's what I've done on the spiritual/emotional side. On the physical side, I've also made some changes. Although I briefly took my doctor's advice and went on the birth control pill to hopefully shrink the cyst and stop ovulation, my body quickly protested. After eight days I stopped taking it and I feel much better, even with the pain from the cyst. I've opted instead to get acupuncture and my first appointment is next week. I also started restorative yoga sessions which I highly recommend to anyone, I signed up for dreamwork sessions with Karen Jaenke, a powerful dreamer, and I tried a somatic experiencing session, another technique I enjoyed. I want to dive right into the cause of this ailment to find out what is behind it. I know that is the only way my body will heal.

I also started working with my dreams on my own again, which is probably the best decision I made out of all of them. I came up with powerful insights I'd chosen to ignore the first time around. Let's face it: they weren't easy to admit to and now that I've acknowledged them it's going to mean more big changes in my life. But it's all in the name of healing, and that's what I've come to the table to do.

I feel brave and bold. I can handle this and come out even stronger on the other side.

A New Layer of the Healing Spiral

2009-10-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

It came back. The cyst came back. In the same place, the same size, just two months after the surgery to remove the last one. I sit in disbelief, wondering what else my body wants to tell me, what else I need to learn from this situation. I thought I'd already tackled the issues and come out triumphant!

I can't concentrate at work. I feel defeated. I feel angry.

Luckily, the cyst doesn't require surgery like the last one -- yet. Instead, I have to go on the pill to try to shrink it and to prevent ovulation, which will hypothetically prevent more cysts from forming.

Although I'm glad surgery is not imminent, I'm unhappy about going on the pill. The last time I took it I was depressed, anxious, had no interest in sex, gained weight, and felt nauseous each morning. But I'm not sure there is an alternative. And I don't want to be in pain anymore. Which is worse? Pain or side effects? It's a difficult choice to make. Further, none of the options are that appealing. I'm in the first few days of taking the medication and I have no idea what is in store: manic depressive mood swings? Nausea? Headaches? Racing heart? Hopefully none of the above.

I'm scared. Scared that the cyst could burst at any minute, which is a possibility. Scared that the pill won't help. Scared that I'll have to have surgery again and maybe have the ovary removed as a last resort. Fear has won this round.

But, in my better moments I am hopeful. I can see that this is another opportunity for growth, another moment to stop and evaluate, another time to reach out for the support surrounding me. I know that I will make it through this. I have many tools at my disposal: dreamwork, intuitive work, and many healing practitioners amongst my friends who can help. I'm grateful for that. At least I have that.

Sophia and Coyote

2009-10-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

Lately, my synchronicities have centered around Sophia and Coyote.

Sophia can mean the "world soul" or "wisdom" or even the companion of God. Sophia is the woman who could not be contained, who didn't follow the rules. I feel fiery and even a bit dangerous with her as a companion, and I know that's just the energy I need to move forward.

And then there's Coyote, the trickster. He showed himself last weekend and he has inspired my writing. I can feel his twists and turns at play in my life and they are making me a bit dizzy. But in a good way.

How do the two go together? I'm not sure about that yet, but I have no doubt this will be revealed to me eventually. I'm going to strap in and hold on for the ride.

Celebrating Five Years...With a SALE!

2009-10-03T13:18:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it! It's been five years since I launched my photography portfolio site and began selling my photographs. Since then I've photographed babies, family photos, and hundreds of trees and flowers. I've done the craft show circuit and dabbled in product photography. But my favorite photographic work involves illuminating nature's soul with just my lens and an open heart.

To celebrate, I'm offering a big sale at my Etsy shop. Select 8x10 prints are 50% off -- these are some of my most popular images.

And for the entire month, when you buy one print you'll get another FREE! Click on over, see what strikes your fancy, and help me celebrate this happy occasion!

Intuitive Readings and Dreamwork

2009-09-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

I am thrilled to announce that I now offer intuitive readings! For the last 18 months I have studied in the clairvoyant training program at Intuitive Way. I am trained in several types of readings: aura, past life, spirit guide, relationship, life path, and career, as well as custom readings.

Why get an intuitive reading? They validate you and give you a healing. They help you grow and transform. This is not me giving you advice. This is me communicating with your higher self/spirit in order to give you a direct link to your inner knowing. The process is illuminating and exciting.

Visit my intuitive reading page at Katrina Dreamer to find out more. I'm currently running a special: buy a 30-minute session and you'll receive a 15-minute session free.

I am also proud to offer private dreamwork. As you know, dreamwork is one of my passions and I find the process endlessly exciting. It is often difficult to do dreamwork alone; working with someone else who can offer feedback and help you unpack the symbols takes the pressure off of you to figure it all out on your own. I only go as deep as you are ready to go and I always create a safe space for the dreamwork.

Visit my dreamwork page at Katrina Dreamer to find out more. I am currently offering a special for dreamwork as well: if you schedule a 1.5 hour session you will receive a free 15-minute intuitive reading.

I look forward to working with you either as a reader, a dreamworker, or both!

I Heart This American Life

2009-09-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

Lance and I recently watched the entire second season of This American Life and I am here to say that it is phenomenal. It won two Emmys and it is some of the best work this talented group has ever unleashed upon the world. I am a long-time fan of the radio show and I have been nothing but thrilled with the television show, which airs on Showtime.

You can get the second season through Netflix, iTunes, or stores. I say run, not walk, (or rapidly click) to your favorite site/store and treat yourself to moving, enthralling stories of human life.

To whet your appetite, you can watch a trailer for the season here.

Experience of Oneness

2009-09-13T14:54:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I finally made it out to my favorite local park, Diablo Foothills Regional Park. I had not been on a hike since the surgery, and the last time I'd visited this park I was in so much pain I could only make it half the distance I normally walked. I looked forward to being able to hike my usual distance and to visit the landscapes I hold dearly in my heart.

I brought my camera and I walked slowly, taking it all in. The late-afternoon sunlight highlighted the grass, creating fields of golden wands waving in the wind. Breezes tickled the trees, making the leaves dance. I heard woodpeckers and hummingbirds chattering and the laughter of children. I could not have dreamed of a better day to re-enter the woods.

When I bring my camera into nature, I enter what some call "the zone." I effectively enter a trance, an altered state, and my eyes shift into creative mode: the tiniest change in light attracts me to a particular branch, the way a shadow falls on a rock makes my heart skip a beat. I feel like I cannot move fast enough to record all the beauty before me. But this excites me and I no longer sense time. When I left the park I was astonished that two hours had passed. It felt so much shorter to me.

After climbing the hill to visit my favorite trees, I turned around and started back. After a few moments of walking down the trail, an amazing sensation overcame me. I could no longer feel the difference between my skin and the air. My body felt like it had expanded to become the entire forest. I stopped, relishing the feeling. I breathed and the forest breathed and we were one. I had no boundaries. I was the forest and the forest was me. This experience of oneness lasted for the briefest moment, but it was one of the most profound moments of my life. I believe all is one, but this was a firsthand, visceral experience of that. It showed me the truth behind this universal concept, and reminded me that one cannot truly grasp an idea until one has experienced it in the body.

When the moment passed, a huge grin spread on my face. I took a deep breath, grateful for my health, my body, my life. I skipped down the trail with a little more bounce in my step. And I felt my connection to that land grow deeper and stronger. I hope never to forget how I felt in that moment.

Losing a Dear Friend

2009-09-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

This week I lost a dear friend. A willow tree that once lived outside the building where I work and go to school lost its life to men with chainsaws. I do not know if it was diseased or otherwise unhealthy, but I do know I wish it had been allowed to die naturally and gracefully to honor its wisdom and beauty. It is deeply missed.

I watched as the men dismembered the tree, feeling as though I had been kicked in the stomach. This is the first time I have witnessed a tree's death in person. Seeing its body lying in pieces wrenched my heart. When I finally had the courage to walk outside to see the destruction more closely, I sensed the grief hanging in the air. The other trees were mourning the passing of their relative.

I developed a relationship with this tree, as well as the others, throughout the last year. There is a path on one side of the building at JFKU that winds by an artificial stream lined with plants. Squirrels jump and run along the grass. Ducks swim in the ponds. Robins sing from tree branches in the spring and dragonflies dance on the water. I have even seen a bittern and an egret now and then. Despite being made by humans, this habitat has considerable magic. Every morning as I walk this path, I say hello to the trees and plants. I celebrate their beauty and thank them for being there. I always feel uplifted.

My relationship with the trees deepened during July, when I awaited surgery. Each morning as I arrived at work, I asked the trees to help hold me. I asked for their support, for their love. And I got it.

So when I saw the men cutting down one of these trees that had held me so selflessly and given so much to this little landscaped environment and the people and animals who enjoy it each day, I felt deep sadness. I had to retreat to the bathroom to cry. And then I walked upstairs to seek the shoulder and hugs of a friend.

After experiencing my initial grief I knew I wanted to honor the tree in some way, so I planned a small ritual for Friday, which happened to be the day of the full harvest moon. Willows are connected to the moon in some traditions and I wanted to acknowledge that connection. Although I invited several people to join me, it turned out I started the ritual alone, which in the end felt appropriate. I first buried a double-terminated amethyst crystal in the shavings left from the pulverized stump. This was an offering of gratitude. I also placed a leaf naturally curled in a spiral on the shavings as a reminder of the cycles of life. Then I sat quietly on a rock next to where the tree had lived and held its memory in my heart.

Then my friend Michael joined me and we tried to connect with the tree's deva. I wanted to make sure the tree's death hadn't left behind an orphaned deva, because I had read in the work of Marko Pogacnik that this could happen. It turned out the tree had no specific deva; the willow deva had watched over it. Knowing this helped me feel closure. As I stared at the mulch left behind by the tree, I knew its life would continue by enriching the soil and giving life to new plants.

Even though the tree is gone, I still feel its presence and my deep connection to its love and energy. Maybe that's because the roots of the tree remain, and therefore it is still connected to the earth and the other trees. I will not be surprised if this beautiful willow tree appears in my dreams now.

The Pattern That Connects

2009-08-22T11:42:00.001-07:00

"Premonitions imply that in order to save ourselves, we must help others, because we are others. Premonitions suggest a revision of the golden rule, from 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you' to 'Be kind to others because in some sense they are you.' The challenges that confront us—climate change, drought, falling crop yields, water shortages, and population explosions—go beyond discovering clever ways to engineer ourselves out of them, as important as technical measures are. Our survival is overwhelmingly a matter of learning to fit into the pattern that connects, to which the great lessons of premonitions are a guide." -- Larry Dossey

I took this excerpt from the excellent article Dossey wrote on premonition for the Summer '09 edition of Shift magazine. I am a big believer in psi, and I wrote a paper about its links to consciousness last winter. Development of our psi capacities (and we all have them to one degree or another) is crucial because these capabilities give us an immediate sense of our deep interconnection, as Dossey points out.

If we finally grasped our interconnectedness, it would greatly impact how we live. I can say from first-hand experience that exploring my intuition and psychic abilities has transformed my life and given me a deeper awareness of the mysteries of the universe. I hope that more people will tread this path in the future. It would benefit us all.

Facing Fear

2009-08-20T10:48:00.001-07:00

I've had a lot of time to think these last nine days and it is amazing what you can learn about yourself when you step back from the world for a bit.

I learned I'm not as introverted as I thought. I'm a bit stir crazy and I miss being around people. I'm tired of my house and I want to see the world again. Hopefully I'll be up for a drive to a park later today.

I learned that I need to have more fun. I fear I've become bland from too much school and work and I need to play. For me that looks like reading fiction, for one. Over the course of the last week I finished five books, all but one fiction, and the non-fiction was a Bill Bryson travel memoir, which comes close to fiction with his exaggeration and hyperbole.

Fun also includes watching movies. I am in love with cinema and part of me dreams of working on some kind of movie some day. Maybe helping create a documentary. Or writing a screenplay that becomes an animated film created by Lance. That would be cool.

I need more time to frolic in nature, to break out my camera and tinker with my loaned Lensbaby, to mess around with my paints and charcoal. If you've been reading my blog for a while, or if you remember Feisty Scribe, you've heard this refrain before. I think, however, that the surgery finally got me through my block about this.

But the biggest thing I learned this week relates to Fear. That nasty little monster, pussy-eyed and warty, sneaks up on me regularly and laughs maniacally in my ear. He whispers the most vile things to me, making my heart pound. I saw him quite a lot this week.

However, here's what I figured out, and it seems so damn simple when I write it: Fear is worse than the thing I'm afraid of. Fear is worse! Fear, with his foul breath, his razor-sharp tail, his disgusting crusty claws. He is worse than anything else. Worse than the doctor. Worse than surgery. Worse than pain. Worse than spiders and bankruptcy and failure and all those other things that plague my thoughts.

Fear was with me in pre-op. I was so nervous my body turned to ice and the nurse had to warm up my arm so she could give me the IV. My heart raced along like it was trying to win the Kentucky Derby. I gulped the air and tried to slow everything down so I could relax. When they finally wheeled me into the operating room, though, I knew there was no turning back. I had to face this surgery. (Of course, it did help that the anesthesia took over soon after.)

When I woke up dazed and dizzy in the recovery room, I wanted to shout with joy. I'd made it! I'd faced one of my biggest fears and I lived through it. Wow.

This is going to be my new mantra: Fear is worse and there is nothing I can't handle. Nothing. I can make it through whatever this life throws at me. And even better, I can come out the other side feeling stronger than before.

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go...I'm gonna be sedated

2009-08-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's the big day. I arrive at noon and go into surgery around 1:15 p.m.

I feel ready. I have spent the last four days resting, relaxing, reading, and keeping stress at bay. I had a fabulous reading on my surgery at Intuitive Way on Friday, and was told that everything will go well. I know this in my heart. I'm going to waltz in there with my pink and purple plush uterus and ovaries from I Heart Guts and face this with bravery and strength.

I have felt overwhelmed by the love, support, kind words, and offers of help I've received from the people around me, and that alone is enough to get me through this experience.

I plan to be offline for the next two weeks while I recover. But I'll be sure to let you know how it all went when I return.

Deep Listening

2009-08-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

The weeks leading up to my surgery have coincided with a class I'm taking called Body Consciousness, Body Wisdom. It is an appropriate class, to say the least. I had a lot of resistance coming into the class at the beginning of the quarter, though. I avoided taking it last year because it did not sound like something I wanted to experience. Getting in touch with my body? No thanks.

As it happens, this class was just what I needed in many ways. The irony of the situation does not escape me -- I needed to be in a class about body consciousness during one of the most difficult body experiences of my life so I could gain tools for dealing with the situation.

One wonderful tool I have learned is listening to body parts. This happens in a few ways and they can work together. First, you can work with how the part feels in relation to the other parts of your body. During this exercise, I chose to listen to my left ovary and the cyst around it. I laid on my back and felt into the space the ovary and cyst occupy. I moved this way and that, sensing how the ovary and cyst felt differently when I moved. I discovered the ovary and cyst became aggravated when I laid on my left side. To me, this meant that they did not want to be covered up, they did not want to be under pressure, and they did not want to be pushed down. As soon as I rolled onto my back, they felt much better.

Of course, the messages the ovary and cyst sent were not trivial. I know now that my ovaries are precious. They are part of the physical and energetic center of my creativity and sexuality. Listening to them will mean a great shift in my life. Pushing them down, covering them up, and putting them under pressure to perform can no longer work.

Another exercise I found rewarding in the Body Consciousness class was creating a movement in response to listening to a body part. In this exercise I chose my throat, which represents my ability to speak my truth. First, we created a physical movement that represented how the part feels in present time. Then, we asked the part what it wanted to say, or how we could bring about change. For me, the movement included both strength and fluidity. The message? I can be strong in speaking my truth, but also gentle. Practicing this will be a challenge, but now I have a movement I can physically reproduce to remind myself that this is how my voice wants to express itself.

I recommend doing either of these exercises whenever you are curious about the messages your body is sending you. Find a quiet place, relax, center yourself, and then ask a body part to speak. If you are doing the first exercise, move in different ways to see how the body part feels in different positions. You may find one position is more comfortable than another. Get curious about this and ask the body part what it is telling you. Or, don't do any movements at all. Just listen to what the body part has to say. Either way can be powerful.

Of course, there is one caveat: these exercises can go deep quickly. Sometimes it is necessary to speak with a professional about what comes up, because the things our bodies want to tell us are sometimes shocking and difficult to hear. But this dialogue is always rewarding in the end.

Healing Strategies

2009-07-26T12:28:00.001-07:00

My surgery is set for August 11, so I have two weeks now to prepare. During the last week I have explored many options to help me through surgery and recovery. I feel incredibly lucky to have friends and colleagues who have given me a wealth of ideas.

One resource landed right in my lap: my friend Lisa brought me a CD produced by Kaiser Permanente called Preparing for Successful Surgery. The CD, created by Belleruth Naparstek, has led to reduced anxiety, more successful surgery, and less pain after surgery even after listening once (read a study done on the CD here). It includes three parts: guided imagery to prepare for surgery, a series of affirmations, and guided imagery for healing. I've listened to the CD twice already and I can attest that it dramatically reduces anxiety and has helped me manage my pain. I am considering asking to listen to the CD during surgery, something Bellaruth suggests on the CD.

Another practice I'm utilizing is healing through dreams. This happens in several ways and I've experienced a couple of them. The night after finding out I had to have surgery, I dreamed that my one-year-old nephew (who turned one the day I found out about the surgery) was healing me with his hands. It was a powerful and uplifting dream.

That same night, an amazing elephant came to me in a dream. The elephant petted my head and face and I awoke with an incredible sense of calm and love.

A few nights later, I dreamed of a beautiful macaw perched on my right arm, and a cockatoo perched on my left arm. The two flew off, swooping down over the canopy of an immense rainforest and crossing paths before disappearing into the greenery. When I awoke I consulted Ted Andrew's Animal Speak and learned that macaws are a symbol of healing for some South American groups.

So now I have two new healing allies: the elephant and the macaw. I can return to these dreams at any time to gain further healing or work with the energies of elephant and macaw. I can also call on owl, hawk, and bear, my main dream allies to help with healing. I am a novice at dream healing, though, and I would like to learn more about this technique.

The third piece of my healing practice involves buying a plush uterus and ovaries from the fabulous I Heart Guts. It is a humorous move that will inject fun into my healing, and it also holds meaning for me. I know if I can hug an adorable representation of my female parts it will help me send those parts love and healing.

Another strategy for me is performing a ritual to honor the cyst and its message. In this ritual I will thank the cyst for bringing wisdom and send it energy for successful removal. I look at the surgery as a kind of birth; the cyst representatives my creative energy and the trauma I've stored within me for years. When the cyst is removed, my creativity will be unleashed in a new way, and, on one level, the trauma will be released.

I also plan to have a reading and healing done at Intuitive Way the weekend before my surgery. The readers will look at my energy and also the mock-up (or intention) I have for how the surgery will go. I hope I'll be in a really good place by then as a result of listening to the guided imagery CD. After the reading, I'll get a healing on my aura, chakras, and sexual organs. With that under my belt, I should be ready to go!

With all of these strategies available to me, I feel more secure about my ability to handle and recover quickly from this surgery. If you have any additional thoughts or suggestions, please let me know.

Why It's Important to Listen to Your Body and Your Dreams

2009-07-16T16:35:00.001-07:00

My body and my dreams are infinitely wise. They patiently send me signals that I mostly ignore, but sometimes, on my better days, I listen. Now I plan on making it a regular practice to humbly and respectfully listen to what they have to say.

I've had intense dreams, many of them including disintegration, dismemberment, bloody animals, knives, and things lurking in the shadows, since January. It was apparent these dreams were telling me something, but I wasn't sure what. And I never wanted to entertain the idea that they were about my health.

I've also had a twinge in the left side of my pelvis for probably two years. At first it was tiny and I dubbed it my intuitive twinge...many times when something was not quite right, this area would twinge and I'd thank it for its message, a message that usually saved me headache.

However, for about the last six months, that twinge morphed into pain. The pain became debilitating during my period, something that only a few people knew about, and only my husband had witnessed until last weekend. A friend came over on Sunday and saw me in my pitiful condition. I was weak, barely able to stand up to walk her to the door. When I saw her reaction to my state, I knew it was time to go to the doctor.

I'd recently been given the name of a gynecologist by another friend and on Monday, I made the call. They got me in yesterday.

I have to back up a moment and tell you that I've been avoiding gynecologists for years because of trauma suffered during previous gynecologist visits. I had a male gynecologist make derogatory comments about my body when I was a teenager and a female gynecologist do a rectal exam without telling me first. A third gynecologist failed to help me with recurring yeast infections. I gave up on Western doctors at that point. So, although this twinge became more and more persistent, I ignored it, hoping it would go away so I didn't have to deal with the gynecologist. Also, I didn't want to deal with bad news.

Back to yesterday. I visited the capable and friendly doctor. I explained my symptoms. She gave me a pelvic exam and then brought out the ultrasound machine. And that's when she found a 6" cyst attached to my left ovary.

I began to cry. I cried because I was scared, overwhelmed, upset, and I felt guilty for not coming in sooner. She told me I need surgery. It is a complex cyst, both fluid and solid, and although she thinks there is a tiny chance it is cancerous, she has to make sure. It has to come out or it will continue to grow and cause me more pain.

When I left the office, I called Lance in tears. I've moved past the guilt and the intense fear, and I've come to a better place thanks to many phone calls and conversations with friends. I know that I'm going to be okay. It's laparoscopic surgery so it's minor, outpatient, and minimally invasive. The recovery typically only takes a week. And after that, my greatest wish is that my periods will no longer cause me debilitating pain.

As part of my process, I've thought about this growth on a symbolic level. I believe, because it is a complex cyst made of fluid and solid mass, that it holds two things: my creative/feminine self and the trauma I've accumulated over the years. The fluid is the creativity, the solid mass the trauma. Once it is removed, I will have truly given birth to my beautiful creative feminine side and I will have removed the trauma holding me back.

I know it is important is to work with this on an energetic level as well. I plan on exploring therapy, dreamwork, psychic healing, and visualization techniques during the three weeks until I go to surgery. And I'm also going to hold a ritual for the energy of the cyst to honor the wisdom it is bringing me. Everything happens for a reason, and my body created this to send me a message. I plan to deeply explore what that is so I can learn from it and move on.

It's going to be quite a rebirth. And, like any rebirth, it is scary, dark, and risky. But once I come out the other side, I will have new gifts and wisdom to share.

Post-Conference Reflections

2009-07-14T09:04:00.001-07:00

Experiment with Lensbaby...see more at my Flickr

I've been back for nearly two weeks, and I am in awe of how the dream conference shifted my consciousness. I had an inkling before I left that something major would happen in Chicago, but I tried not to think about it while I was there lest I find significance in irrelevant things like how the waiter folded my napkin on the third night. I believe looking for synchronicity is a fine art, one that takes discrimination (although, I suppose one could argue there is significance in everything!).

The more I think about what message the conference brought to me, the more I see two clear themes emerge: I need to make my health my priority, and I need to stop hiding myself and my talents.

About my health: I had one of the most challenging weekends I've had in a long time this past weekend, experiencing pain that had me in bed for two days. I have avoided Western doctors for four years and yesterday, on the recommendation of a friend, I finally sat down and made the call. I have an appointment tomorrow. I'm a bit scared and I am trying not to let my past experiences color what I have in store for me. My hope is that I will get questions answered and that there is help for me that doesn't just include taking medications or getting surgery. I want to get to the core of the problem and take measures to truly heal it and prevent it from returning.

Making that phone call felt monumental. It tells me I am finally ready to take care of myself, that I am finally ready to listen to the signals my body and my dreams send me regularly. I tend to punish my body and I've started to wonder where I think that will get me. It deserves my respect and attention.

About sharing my talents: This is a recurring theme for me. I tend to make myself small, something I learned growing up. But all the messages in the last two weeks have been to ignore that urge and to instead be BIG. To bravely put myself and my talents out there. And to stop apologizing for who I am, hiding who I am, and feeling I am not good enough. I am good enough. People do want to hear what I have to say, and they want to see what I create.

As a result of this revelation, I am even more firm about my conviction to send some of my children's manuscripts back out to publishers. In a month I'll receive the brand new edition of the Children's Writers and Illustrator's Market and right now I'm polishing three manuscripts so they'll be ready to send when the Market arrives in the mail. Look how far I've come. Four years ago, I dissolved my contracts with my old publisher and I began a downward spiral, believing my career as an author was caput. This rebirth feels scary and painful and absolutely wonderful.

Dream Conference Memories: Day Five

2009-07-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling confident. Sure, the nerves were there, but after four days of being around some of the nicest people one could ever meet, I had a feeling the audience for my speech would be supportive.

Although I'd considered having my morning free, I decided instead to attend Michelle Mangini's art workshop. I am delighted that I did. When I arrived, Michelle was just setting up, and we shared our presenting jitters with one another. It felt great to have an ally. After speaking briefly about her connection to art and the Earth, and reminding us that the Earth dreams through us, Michelle set us loose. She'd brought a wealth of art supplies, including rocks and sticks and other natural materials from her home.

I loved what Michelle said: "It's about creating myself more than the final product." It was a new spin on the old idea that it's about the journey, not the destination. With that in mind, I set out to create to calm and center myself rather than focusing on what the final piece would become.

It turns out, what I created had a lot of meaning for me. I titled it "Puma Thistle," and you can see it above. I'd had a dream the night before in which a fox, mountain lion, and two wolves visited me. I knew when I awoke that the animals came to me to give me strength for the day ahead. When I shared the dream with Michelle, she revealed that she often dreamed of being a puma. I knew I would find a way to honor our dreams, and the mountain lion, when Michelle told me that.

I took my creation with me to my presentation and had it sitting with me, along with a special quartz stone from Jordan and a beach rock from Michelle's neighborhood. These gave me strength from the puma and the Earth, and I have to say, my talk went really well. I spoke about my experiences with animal visitations in dreams and waking life. Along with the puma, I could feel the energy of owl, hawk, and cat with me as well.

My fellow presenter, Bob Van de Castle, of all people, said I was "cool as a cucumber" and he appreciated how I set the tone for the end of the panel. The audience appeared quite interested in what I had to say, which felt great. And at the end, Marcia Emery, whose workshop I had attended the first day, stood up and said she was struck by how these dreams had signaled an awakening of my intuition. I had never thought of that before, and I was grateful to her for pointing it out.
At the end of the day, many of us gathered for the dream ball. Above, you see me with Victoria and Rita. Everyone is encouraged to dress up like a dream character and share the dream that inspired the costume. Rita is dressed as Scarlett Johansson, and I am dressed as the snowy owl, wearing the cape I made in Kaleo Ching's class last winter.

It was intriguing, and often entertaining to see everyone's costumes. At the end of the dream sharing, awards are given for the best costumes/dreams. And then the dancing begins.

I'm not much of a dancer, so instead, I found the people I'd met and got pictures with them. Above are Freya, on the left, and Terry, in the middle, women who I will remember fondly. At the end of the night, I met up with Sue again, the woman from Minnesota whom I shared the shuttle with on the first day. I felt like I had come full circle.

If I try to sum up how I feel about the dream conference, I'm afraid I'll only have trite phrases that fail to capture just how special this experience was for me. I will say this: it helped me find myself again. It helped me see that it is imperative for me to be my true self. It allowed me to meet people who I already consider my friends. And it solidified for me that dreams are vital and beautiful portraits of our souls. I look forward to next year's conference!

Dream Conference Memories: Day Four

2009-07-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Monday presented another full day for me. In the morning I attended a talk by Bob and Lynne Hoss that connected dreamwork and EFT (emotional freedom technique). I have used EFT to great effect and therefore it was no surprise that I experienced healing during their presentation. Find out more about the technique here.

Next I attended the speech given by Robert Moss, one of the leading figures in the dream world and one of my favorite authors. If you ever get a chance to attend a workshop or talk by Robert, I highly recommend going. He is an eloquent speaker and a fount of knowledge. His new book explores the history of dreaming and he touched on several of the highlights from this book during his speech. I liked his presentation so much I decided to go to his workshop after lunch, even though I hadn't planned on it.

Speaking of lunch, that's when I had the chance to meet Toni, a woman I've known online for six years but had never met in person. That's her up top with her three boys, Nolan, Jackson, and Aaron. Needless to say, lunch with this bunch was anything but boring. We talked about planes, trains, and automobiles, the Chicago Tweet-up, the state of freelance writing, and whether or not the weather would hold up for the boys to play a little baseball. Toni's connection with her children was beautiful to witness. There is so much humor and love, and I felt right at home with them. I'm sad we only had an hour.

Back at the conference, I attended Robert Moss's workshop in which we used synchronicity to gain a message from the universe and did juicy dreamwork. Here again I got messages about attending to my health (okay universe, I get it now). I left the workshop an even bigger fan of Robert's work than I was going in.

That night I attended Victoria and Freya's dream group a final time, and then heard Barbara Tedlock, an author I admire, speak about the connection between shamanism and dreams. With my brain absolutely full to the brim, I retired to my room still buzzing from the excitement of the day. Of course, my most exciting day, the day I presented, was still to come.

Dream Conference Memories: Day Three

2009-07-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

I awoke on day three with a big grin on my face because it was the day I'd get to see Penelope, a delightful woman I've known since 2003. We've only met in person three times, but we've had many meaningful phone conversations, and she illustrated my first published children's book. I have a big colorful room in my heart dedicated just to her (and it also holds her husband Colin and her wee one Veda). She is authentic, hilarious, supremely talented, and one of the dearest souls I know.

I love it when you see someone you haven't seen in years and it feels like you just saw each other last week. We fell into comfortable conversation over eggs and potatoes and continued with a trip to the pool. I got just four hours with Penelope and her family, but they were joy-filled hours. I hope I get to see her again soon.

As it turns out, I missed out on most of the dream conference on day three...all the workshops were going on while I was frolicking with the Dullaghans. That night I attended Victoria and Freya's dream group again and witnessed powerful dreamwork. I also connected with a photographer who is doing work connected with what I hope to do when I graduate, another happy coincidence.

After dream group, I attended the art show, a gorgeous display of dream art that inspired me to start creating art from my dreams. I've been thinking about doing that for quite a while, and this show, along with the artists I met, gave me the kick in the pants I needed.

Dream Conference Memories: Day Two

2009-07-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

My second day at the IASD dream conference introduced me to many of the people who I now hold fondly in my memory.

The first is Marcia Emery. I attended her workshop on intuition and dreams, a great reminder for me to pay attention to the intuitive messages in my dreams...and the intuitive messages I pick up all throughout the day. During the workshop, we practiced getting intuitive messages about people in the class. My partner saw me as a focused, stealth lion. This immediately resonated for me -- I am entering the point of my graduate program that requires me to hone my skills and focus in order to create a meaningful final project. Later, I gave that same woman an aura reading, my first with someone outside of Intuitive Way that isn't one of my friends from school. It went well and it gave me confidence that psychic readings are going to be part of my repertoire after school.

Although I hadn't originally planned on attending it, the next presentation, one by Victoria Rabinowe and Freya Diamond, was about taboo dreams: specifically shit dreams. Flaunting their excellent senses of humor, they called it, "I Had the Shittiest Dream Last Night!" The presentation turned out to provide me with a wealth of knowledge...I have a lot of bathroom dreams. Don't we all? Their hilarious plays on words and playful presentation convinced me to join their evening dream group, an appointment I kept for the rest of the conference. Meeting these two women, who dress only in black and white and are consummate artists, was a highlight of the conference.

At lunch I bravely joined a table with at least 10 strangers and had a great time. I met a woman who knows a classmate of mine at JFK and another who recommended that I get an intuitive health analysis from the School of Metaphysics, something that definitely piqued my interest.

The biggest synchronicity of the day happened in the next workshop, one led by Susan Benson, a woman steeped in depth psychology, deep ecology, and dreams. I resonated strongly with her work. At one point she asked us to pair up with someone and share a dream. I chose Rita, a woman I had a familiar sense about. During our time together sharing dreams, I learned that she lives a block and a half from my uncle. Here again the universe showed me a family connection. Rita used to take regular walks with my aunt. What are the odds?

Finally, I attended a fascinating panel on dreams and pain, one that has convinced me, once and for all, to visit a Western doctor in the hopes of diagnosing my health issues. Although acupuncture, allergy treatment, and nutrition counseling have done a tremendous amount, all of my alternative practitioners have encouraged me to go get things checked out. I do not like Western doctors; I never feel attended to, listened to, or seen. But I know this is the best thing to do for my body at this point. After attending that panel, I'm a bit afraid to look at what my dreams are telling me about my health!

After joining Victoria and Freya's evening dream group, I retreated to my room for the first time that day. After nearly 12 hours of non-stop dream talk, I was ready to relax and recuperate for day three.

Themes from the day: listen to my intuition, continue investigating ancestry, be brave and talk to strangers, and take the time to work with all those dreams I write down every morning!

Dream Conference Memories: Day One

2009-07-04T15:25:00.001-07:00

I stepped onto the shuttle bus, not sure what awaited me during my five-day stay in Chicago. Butterflies danced in my stomach, making me fidget. Then a friendly woman joined me on the bus. "Are you a dreamer?" she said. And that's when I knew this trip was going to rock.

It's also when the synchronicities began. Sue, the friendly woman I met on the bus, lives in Minnesota, land of my ancestors and a place that's been at the forefront of my consciousness. It's no wonder we hit it off immediately. I mentioned my presentation, and when she found out the topic was animals and dreams, our rapport grew.

On that same bus I met Peter, a quirky dreamer who joined me for dinner at the hotel restaurant the first evening. We shared dream and life stories and it turned out his wife is doing the same allergy-elimination therapy I am. Another coincidence.

And so it went for the entire conference. If I was brave enough to be myself and talk to perfect strangers (something I do not normally do), it meant I opened myself up to interesting conversations and connections. I'm happy to say, for the most part, I was brave enough, and that means I made many new friends.

That night, at the opening reception, I realized I have joined a tightly knit community of intelligent, fun, friendly people. The founders share friendships that are apparent and their love of dreams has not dissipated over the last 25 years. These are my kind of people: men and women who share a fascination with dreams, the unconscious, myth, archetype, the Earth, art, and psi. I felt I was in my element, free to be myself. What could be better?

Off to the Dream Conference

2009-06-25T08:57:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for Chicago to attend and speak at the International Association for the Study of Dreams conference. This is my first time at a big conference, my first time speaking at a big conference, and my first time traveling in Chicago. I feel like the sprout in the photo above: new, fragile, and supported by those who came before me. I've spoken with several other students at JFK about their experiences presenting at this conference and their advice and encouragement has helped immensely.

I've been through all the emotions: fear, excitement, uncertainty.... Earlier in the week I felt panicky. I was having anxiety dreams and not sleeping well. So I wrote out my speech on note cards and did a trial run with Lance, and that seemed to ease the panic.

Now I've settled into excitement. I know I'm going to have a great time and learn a ton -- there are so many interesting speakers and workshops that I will probably be exhausted at the end of each day from so much learning. And the added bonus is that I get to see an old friend, Penelope, and meet Toni, a women I've known online for years. They are the icing on the cake.

Now that I'm less than 24 hours away from leaving, I see this trip for what it is: a huge opportunity for me to meet the movers and shakers in the dream world and a chance for me to show my stuff. I know in my gut there is something special in store for me at this conference and I am dying to find out what it is.

I'll be back with reports and photos next week. Wish me luck!

Inspiration: Dorothy Maclean

2009-06-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Call of the Trees by Dorothy Maclean and I feel compelled to share my love for her with you.

Dorothy is one of the founders of Findhorn, an amazing intentional community, ecovillage, and center for holistic education located in southeast Scotland. Along with Peter and Eileen Caddy, Dorothy started Findhorn in 1962. Through her spiritual path, she started communicating with the devas and nature spirits in the area in order to help her and her housemates create a garden on a dusty, sandy strip of land that no one dreamed would support a flourishing vegetable garden.

But, since Dorothy, Peter, and Eileen were open to working with the devas (what Dorothy calls the "overlighting spirit of the plants") the garden provided a cornucopia, including a 40-pound cabbage.

Dorothy eventually moved on from Findhorn, but continued to work with devas and communicate with plants and trees. She has published several books, including The Call of the Trees. In it, the trees have several messages to share, many of them urgent. One of the most repeated and important is the message that it is imperative at to save old-growth forests. These forests contain trees full of wisdom, trees that are vital to sustaining life on our planet. Trees like the redwoods, the bristlecone, the sequoia.

The trees also urged us to live in joy and to believe in our immense capacity to do good for the planet. I found the book uplifting and inspiring.

Can just anyone communicate with trees the way Dorothy does? I say yes. I communicate with trees and plants, and I believe if you are open to it, and you have the desire to truly hear what the plants and trees have to say, you will hear their messages.

Try it one afternoon. Pick a favorite tree, maybe one in your back yard, at a park you frequent, or even one down the street. Sit by the tree. Say hello to it. Then get quiet. I like to close my eyes because it helps me focus, but this may not be necessary for you. Ask the tree if it has anything to share. And listen. You may hear sentence fragments, or just get an impression. You may feel something in your body that is meaningful to you. You may see pictures in your mind. The messages can come in many ways. All of them are valid -- there is no one right way to do this.

It may take a few times, especially if you are new to it and your inner critic gets in the way, telling you that you're not really hearing the tree. Ignore that voice and strive to hear the voice of the tree. Eventually, you will hear something. And when that happens, you've started on an amazing adventure.

The Unparalleled Miyazaki

2009-06-08T10:48:00.001-07:00

I was first introduced to director Hayao Miyazaki's work in 2003 when my husband Lance suggested I watch Princess Monokoe. I have to say, I did not immediately fall in love. There was an eerie feeling to the film that unsettled me. And, I suppose, the film is supposed to be a bit unsettling.

However, over the last six years I have come to respect Miyazaki's films as some of the most original, creative, and endearing work out there, especially in the realm of animated film. His ecological and family-centric stories push viewers to think about how we are treating the world and each other. And most of the stories have a strong female lead, which is certainly a plus -- there is not enough of that yet in American animation.

Some of the stories require multiple viewings, especially Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away. I get lost in the amazing imagery and quirky characters the first time around. But on the second viewing, I always pick up a message I was meant to hear, usually one that has deep meaning for me at the time. And because there are multiple levels to his films, I learn a new message each time I watch the films.

I just watched My Neighbor Totoro, which prompted me to write this post. It is about two girls who discover a magical forest spirit Totoro in the woods behind their new home. I kept saying, "I want Totoro to live behind our house!" And, I suppose, in some way, he does.

I can't recommend these films highly enough. I suggest you start with Howl's Moving Castle or Spirited Away and move on from there. Each film is a gem.